What I’m MOST passionate about is helping you fall in love with yourself and your life.
I want to help you feel how beautiful you truly are and help you create a life of joy and ease.
Change Yourself, Change the World – With the butterfly effect, one smile from you can change thousands of lives. So I am here to walk my talk and shine my life and hope to ignite someone else’s. Let’s open our hearts and co-create something beautiful!
I am feeling called to share a “short” version of “my story” here:
Turn back the clock a couple of years. Here I was on a beautiful beach in Indonesia and I felt nothing…just numb and ready to give up.
This was my final push towards my life path. I had drifted far from myself and was totally out of touch with my inner guidance. Well I wasn’t really out of touch, I heard it loud and clear, but was too stubborn to listen…
Phew writing an “About Me”-page is hard. What do I share here? Am I oversharing, how vulnerable do I allow myself to be, how to protect other people in my life because they are part of my story? Everybody has and has had it hard at times, we are here to experience all sorts of emotions and it really is only “ my story”. But I do feel guided to share how I arrived here, becoming a coach, reader and healer and feeling called to shine my light and help you shine yours! I do believe my story can help other people feel where I am coming from and how I can help you. It helps us connect and I like to show you that you can change your life as well. I want to be open and “real”. I am done playing small and hiding. So me helping you also helps me heal. I have skipped over some horrible parts, because they are very private and are not needed to share at this moment, also to protect other people involved, but perhaps I will touch on that in a blog sometimes. I don’t know yet… I will just follow my guidance.
So here goes…
As I am writing this down, most of it just feels like they are stories now, stories that I have let go of, sort of like a movie a have seen a long time ago and that is such a positive thing! Yay!!
I was born with pointy ears, I always believed that I was a little fairy, or related to Spock, because I also felt that I didn’t belong here and my home was somewhere or sometime else (not that time exists). I also have a strong connection with the Fae and with ancient Egypt. I always have from when I was very young. I was always a bit odd, different. “Special” some people called me. I so disliked that as I wanted to be just like everyone else, accepted and not bullied and shunned. I felt lost. I practically lived in the woods and the library devouring books such as Mists of Avalon and NeverEnding Story. I guess not much has changed 😉
Bullies and eating disorders
I talked to ‘beings’ and elementals and was very sensitive like I believe all children are, they are still so vulnerable, and so open and in touch with who they really are. Pure, with so much magic, possibilities, abilities and talent. But people didn’t approve and I see now that they couldn’t be aware of me. The more I showed myself the more I was shunned. And instead of giving in, it made me stronger and I started to fight (sometimes literally) for the more sensitive children and animals. I remember I was always bringing home stray animals and other bullied children. So wanting to give them a safe space to be (to the dismay of my parents).
With the consequence that my peers started to like me even less and I was severely bullied from preschool into High School and lots of other shitty stuff happened (neglect, abuse, just too much to go into now and it really is not important anymore, all is forgiven). I felt alone, weird, lost and unloveable. I felt too much, in the way and downright misplaced. I didn’t want to be on this planet anymore, it felt so dense, I felt very disenchanted and I just tried to shut off all feelings and just focus on my brain, study and lots of doing and distracting, all focus on grades and control. I lost total connection to my body, I was like a walking brain for years. To dull my footprint and feelings even more, I developed an eating disorder, anorexia, I literally did not want to be on this Earth anymore and did not want be seen, I didn’t want to feel. Somehow for years (about 20) I did ” alright” – on the outside – I graduated with straight A’s and rolled into a dream job straight out of college. I worked my butt off and then after years and years of not really living, but surviving, things began to fall apart. I burned out three times and then I just didn’t recover, I was always tired and couldn’t find my spark anymore. Life just seemed long and empty, and frankly I wanted out.
Off track and lost
For a long time I was so off track with my life. I was ignoring my calling (and it was shouting loud by this time and I was still ignoring the call) and it was like pushing a ball under water. I felt completely overwhelmed and extremely tired and emotional. I just lost all joy for life and couldn’t see where to start to pick up the pieces and find my fire again. I felt like a lived in a dark cave. All the juice was gone.
Ding Dong Wakey Wakey
Then – if we are lucky – we get a wake up call. But if it’s too subtle we may not listen. And then a louder one comes, and a louder one, and a louder one, until finally it’s like the Uni-verse is screaming at us to wake up…I had several of these alarms going of in my life, but I just knocked them off the nightstand and went back to sleep.
And yes burn outs suck but they teach you about your limits and that you need to take care of YOURSELF. It teaches limits and that you are thirsty for self care. Self care is essential for everyone. It tells you that you need to balance and bring joy back into your life. It forces you to listen to your spirit. I am such a believer in self care now, that I want to shout it from the rooftops!! So here I am shouting 😉
Burn out blessing
The burn outs were a blessing as they brought Mindfulness, meditation and Yoga into my life. But I was focusing too much on the light and still pushing away my shadow and still old habits are hard to beat. So this time after a very stressful period in my life I decided to take a ‘relaxing’ holiday on Bali to rest and regain my energy. My body and mind were screaming for a rest, so my crazy brain decided to go fly half way across the world for a one week to recovery, that was about as much time as I would allow myself to heal. A 24 hour journey for a one week holiday! Crazy! What was I thinking, well I wasn’t thinking, or feeling and that was the big boo boo. And there I was on a beautiful bounty island and I felt nothing…nothing at all…
I just wanted to sleep and be left alone. But of course I hopped all over the island seeing all the sights, not taking the rest that I really craved. Back home I immediately fell very ill. At first I thought it was the flu. And as I never ask for help, I just stayed in bed and waited for it to pass. But after a week I was still having very high fevers and I got these red spots everywhere and I was seeing bright lights and felt like I was slipping away. Anyway to make a long story short, well shorter, I had typhus. During these high fevers I think I nearly died, my room lit up in bright light and I saw “beings”, we connected and something happened. It is very hard to put into words, but it was a profound experience.
😉
I woke up and saw the big picture. I snapped out of my misery and veiled survival existence and I wanted to live. Live out loud! And the connection was never lost again. And ever since then there is an urgency like I want to make up for lost time. I feel so alive and I so want to enjoy my stay on Mama Earth. I fell head over heels in love with our home and all beings on it.
I woke up to an awareness that I am full of potential. We all are! We are the bridging generation, between the forgetting into dancing directly with all of creation. I knew this when I was little, I just choose to forget. The connection to myself and Source was restored. And I found my life energy back! The connection to Source, my Soul and higher Self had been opened much more clearly.
Ask for help
As I knew that it was time to see and acknowledge my Shadow and connect with other people and ask for help and support I was guided I to seek help from a mindfulness teacher and later from Mahatma Revier of Spirit Coaching. And she changed my life. After many intense events and seminars at Spirit Coaching I got back in touch with my true self and felt strong enough to embrace my shadow. Finally I felt the balance I was so craving. I got in touch with beautiful souls and felt accepted and alive. I am so grateful and so inspired that I have chosen that I want to give back and help people take back their power and their joy. So I trained with Mahatma and am now myself a Spirit Coach and Mindfulness based cognitive therapist.
Ongoing Healing
Of course the healing didn’t happen overnight and is ongoing. But looking back now, things moved fast. Sometimes and for some people, the shit needs to hit the fan before we wake up (but it so doesn’t have to!!). I learned so much from my own experiences and want to help other people move through this with as much ease and grace as possible.
And over the years I filled my mind with lots of inspirational content, I was so thirsty for knowledge and to understand my profound experiences. I have taken many workshops, listened to hundreds of teleseminars, read hundreds of books and was just buzzing with excitement for all this knowledge and wisdom. Than the migraines came, bad ones, every weekend. And I couldn’t do anything, every time I would sign up for a self help course or read a book, “work” on myself, I would get terrible neck pains. I got the message this time, loud and clear. Enough studying, enough trying to understand, get out of your head and feel, that is your strength, your sensitivity. I have to feel and experience and get out there to share my insights and gifts. Shine my light and be my own guru, I connect with my inner guidance through daily meditation, yoga and tarot. Of course I still read books and keep up to date with what other people teach, but I feel very strongly that we should all be our own gurus and not take other people’s experiences as our rule to life.
Time for action
SO HERE I AM and the migraines are gone and I am so much more balanced! I am happy and enjoy life and really want to live life and connect. I am so grateful for everything that happened in my life, the good and the bad. This has taught me so many lessons and also thought me to have compassion and love for this world. I now teach and guide people to step up, overcome burnout, overwhelm, procrastination, insecurity, and start living fully and taking good care of themSelves.
I hope you sign up for my newsletter and keep in touch and I hope you will work with me, I’d love to be of assistance.
Let’s shine our lights and make this world a much more beautiful place together.
