Part 1 Wild Roots Herbal Gathering
(Part 2 will be posted later – a visit to my father’s (and my) roots in Friesland)
Hello, long time no write as I have been away for a few days and as it is Summertime, I am outdoors more than indoors behind the computer (when I am not working). I hope you are doing the same, finding peace, new strength and inspiration in nature.
I heard the whisper “stop working so hard and play. Just play. It’s so much easier to hear the whispering of Guidance when you do.”
And I am answering the call.
Last Friday (2 July 2021) I left for Wild Roots Herbal Gathering in the Netherlands. It was an amazing weekend, perfectly created by Nutmeg Baker. I attended her one-day herbal event last year September and when she mentioned she was going to organize a full weekend, I decided there and then to sign up. So here I am.
A release and step into freedom
The entire weekend felt like a release of worry, regulations and conventions, a coming home to self in gathering with others. The two are not separate. It is in togetherness we heal and grow, safely releasing tension and facing personal struggles amongst the protective energy of women. There were amazing workshops and teachers, evening ceremonies at the water and around the fire. There was nourishing home- made food by TeaLounge filled with love, a beautiful place to stay in nature and above all there were so many (103!) beautiful women (and babies) gathering. It felt like breaking free and this feeling of freedom and connectedness is so healing, especially after the past one and half year, my cup was running dry, but I feel filled again, filled by hope and inspiration (and lots of energy, I was a bit overstimulated leaving on Sunday, but after a while in silence and a long sleep I felt bright as rain (quite literally).
On Friday I was so lucky and grateful to catch a ride to Uffelte, Drenthe where the venue Uelenspieghel is located. It was lovely meeting and chatting with the two other ladies in the car and we reached Drenthe in seemingly no time at all. Arriving, signing in, I got settled in my room in the attic of the old farm, which I would be sharing with another woman (I think there were about 30 women sleeping upstairs). After some deliberation, I decided not to camp as I am traveling to Heerenveen after the gathering and want to travel light, but next time I am surely camping!
Surrender to life and joy
A theme for me at the moment is to surrender to life, to dare to enjoy it, to step out of worry for the future and to fully ground in the now. So a rekindling of my (childlike) enthusiasm and zest for life, as I was feeling rather bland as if my heart and soul are not joining in my life, like my inner child has left me or is hiding from me. The world feels unsafe and I must learn to find safety and protection within myself (my inner mother). Now I am making progress and doing so much better day by day, but in events such as these, in contrast I notice there is some lingering fear to live fully.
For the past year and a half, I experienced myself in a difficult and complicated process with the strong feeling that I was not living life to the fullest at all. It was a challenge to really feel this right. I often experienced life as alone, monotonous. Feelings of failure, disappointment, anger and sadness alternated at a rapid pace. I have these emotions, but I realize this is not who I am, I am safe and I can nourish and sustain myself, though this doesn’t mean not asking or accepting the help and inspiration of others. A gathering such as this stresses how important it is to gather, we are not solitary meant to be locked away in our houses, we are an eco system, our roots are intertwined, us humans together, but also our animal- and plant allies. We are all connected. Let us never forget that, let us never forget our true nature.
Welcome feelings and emotions
In the past I had to hold my own and consciously or unconsciously adapted to difficult circumstances. This ‘keeping control’ may have been useful at one time, but when it becomes a pattern, it leads to rigidity, ‘going into the head’, tension and often physical complaints. It is time to release and rebalance. Now this doesn’t happen overnight and I have been on this path for quite some time, so it is good to notice that I can observe my feelings more and not let them run the show. I approach my feelings with curiosity and something to excavate and explore as every experience is an entrance to essence.
Witches unite
This week I read the boek “De Heks van Limbricht” (The Witch of Limbricht) by Susan Smit and the timing of reading this book was perfect as for me the theme of being disobedient, following my own heart and speaking up, having my voice heard is very strong at the moment. I am being challenged to stay true to myself and not let fear of rejection or disharmony sway me.
From the book: “Met de herwaardering van het archetype van de heks – de autonome, eigenzinnige vrouw – kan er iets van de oude angst en argwaan die onder vrouwen onderling gezaaid is, wegebben. Solidariteit is wat vrouwen kan helpen om zichzelf in al hun intensiteit en eigenheid te durven laten zien, met de steun van hun zusters, en tegelijkertijd de oeroude, onbewuste angst voor afstraffing en uitsluiting in de gemeenschap te overwinnen. De vrouwen die werden aangewezen als heks waren mondige vrouwen. Vaak waren ze alleenstaand of weduwe. Op leeftijd. Eigenzinnig. Ongehoorzaam aan de priester en/of echtgenoot. In hun eigen onderhoud voorzienend. Ze waren wat je noemt ‘lastige vrouwen’.De heks belichaamt een vrouw met macht, die bevrijd is van alle overheersing en beperking. Zij is de ongehoorzame of ongebondene te midden van een patriarchaat. Zij is de vrouw met iets te vrije (seksuele) opvattingen binnen de kerkelijke gemeenschap. Zij is, met andere woorden, de vrouw die het systeem trotseert of ervoor kiest zich er afzijdig van te houden en haar eigen weg te gaan.”
Translation: “With the re-evaluation of the archetype of the witch – the autonomous, self-willed woman – some of the ancient fear and suspicion that has been sown among women themselves may ebb away. Solidarity is what can help women dare to show themselves in all their intensity and individuality, with the support of their sisters, while overcoming the ancient, unconscious fear of punishment and exclusion in the community. The women who were designated as witches were empowered women. Often they were single or widowed. Aged. Self-willed. Disobedient to the priest and/or husband. Supporting themselves. They were what you might call “troublesome women.
The witch embodies a woman with power, freed from all domination and restriction. She is the disobedient or unbound in the midst of a patriarchy. She is the woman with slightly too free (sexual) views within the church community. She is, in other words, the woman who defies the system or chooses to remain aloof from it and go her own way.”
Unique beauty
One of the first things Nutmeg mentions in her introduction is a call for us not to compare ourselves to other women and this was and is a struggle for me. When she said this I noticed I was already fully in my head judging my looks. Surrounded by so many beautiful strong women, I felt so small and inadequate. In most large gatherings I feel like this, old memories of being bullied arise and feelings of inadequacy, not fitting in, not being good or beautiful enough (whatever that means) surface. I recognize this pattern and try to deeply feel this pain and not run from it (that is also why I keep going to gatherings such as this, to show myself I am safe in my own skin and I belong). I try to observe and notice what happens when I get triggered, it is a strange mix of admiration, inspiration and a feeling of lack and perhaps even fear. Fear for my true self that is calling perhaps?
Self rejection runs deep, rejection of self is a neurotic trap, I realize and see this, I can step out of it and observe, but it never fully leaves and creeps up every now and then. The most important thing is to never, ever reject oneself. Not our thoughts, not our body, nothing. In this way we create internal security and connect with our soul. Work on restoring the essential connection with ourselves is of great importance. This process is not always easy. It takes guts, patience and gentleness to stay very close to what presents itself within you and around you.
So much that is valued in this world is mediocre as the system we live in likes sameness, the familiar, and it rejects “strangeness”. This is a primitive defense mechanism that ensures that our learned layers of reality, the reality that we have all accepted, remain intact. So the people who are on a different wavelength, who think differently and live differently, end up being shamed, rejected and abandoned – until they comply. Until they learn to keep their mouths shut, to eliminate themselves, and to behave within the boundaries of the system in which we all live. It is up to us whether the opinions of others (and our egos) can make us invisible or make us feel worthless, we give away so much energy hoping to see ourselves reflected. We give away our chance to shine and be who we are. So take back the energy and learn to stop projecting and start develop boundaries to fully develop the Self. It is so important we can express who we are without apologizing for it, so we create growth, epiphanies, creativity and new ways of thinking and being, not a world of mediocrity, control and a place where only familiar things are allowed and believed.
And in order to develop we must be willing to be ourselves and send our unique energy out into the world and this will not work if we hold ourselves back. The people who manage to be themselves will always be rejected by some people, but they will also be loved and respected by others.
The untamable woman
After a day or so I get more comfortable and let my hair down more (literally and figuratively). I stop caring about smelling a bit, getting my feet dirty or being bitten by mosquitos and tics (still covered in bumps all over my body, thankfully the worse of the itching has stopped). Now I have never been very concerned about what people think of me, as I have been bullied as a child and teenager and have always been the odd one out, you learn not to care too much, but perhaps I do but dare not feel these pains of rejection? I have always treaded carefully, in the background, unseen, preserving harmony, not wanting to rock the boat. My Libra Sun and Libra Rising may also influence this behavior, I just don’t want to disturb the balance or take up too much space. Recognizing this pattern, I am deliberately trying to choose and do otherwise, stop and feel what I truly want and need instead of hiding away or making excuses. But wow I realize how I need some serious rewildering as I have become so civilized and so scared of life, of living. Where is the wild girl I once was gone? The girl who climbed trees, drew outside the lines, played in nature, walked her own path, spoke her mind, followed her heart and dared to dream? Why am I now so careful and calculated all the time, always in my head first, thinking and planning before doing. I so miss the wild woman in me. Slowly slowly I notice her speaking up more and more, crawling back from the deep darkness where I buried her. Rise sister I need your strength and fire! The weekend was closed with this beautiful song and it struck such a chord deep within me, it is called “Savage Daughter”.
More and more I am finding the confidence to be and live who I truly am, instead of ‘behaving’, doing what is expected of me and going through the motions of life, I am allowed to take up space and time, I am allowed to LIVE my life, not just allowed, I must as therefor I was born! Time to grab the reigns and ride into the big bold unknown.
The workshops
Anyway enough about my process and insights, here I will share the program that was offered and more information on the workshops I attended. During all class sessions, two-three different classes were offered which we could choose to attend.
FRIDAY
Registration opens – 12:00
Opening Circle – 14:00
Class session 1 – 14:30-16:00
*Madelief Jara – PART 1 – Herbal Yoni Steam
**Anne Baljet – Moving Shiatsu Chinese Medicine
I attended this workshop with a duo of series/exercises, a simple effective way according to traditional Chinese medicine. We started with Makko-Ho, meridian stretches from medical Qi-gong. We talked about the location of the 12 main meridians and moved with the seasons. We discussed the meridian couple (yin-yang) that goes with it, the associated aspects and extra exercises that belong to the season we are in. There was room to work with participants “complain” areas. Do-In is in fact do it yourself Shiatsu massage, tapping, pressing and stretching, energetically recharging, grounding and strengthening yourself. We tapped the body in the direction of the meridians, activating the body, starting to flow even more, after which we brush off to end the session energized and peacefully.
https://www.facebook.com/MovingShiatsu/
Dinner – 17:00
Welcome & Orientation Circle – 18:30
Evening ceremonies – 19:30
*Madelief Jara – PART 2 – Herbal Yoni Steam in Nature
**Michelle van Coeverden – Blue Lotus Ceremony
***Water Ceremony by Patricia Pattinama
I joined a beautiful water ceremony at the lake. We walked there through gorgeous fern-lined paths, through fields and woods, arriving at a small beach near the water. It was a powerful ceremony where we sang to Yemaya. A song from the Yoruba, Africa. A celebration of the moment when the river meets the ocean. Yemaya is the goddess of the ocean.
It is an African song from Nigeria and an ode to Yemaya, the Goddess of seas and oceans. From the ocean all life on earth originated. Her spiritual principle, therefore, is motherhood. She is the Primal Goddess, the mother of all Goddesses and mother nature herself. Yemaya Assessu, can also be seen as the moment when the individual soul (the river) reaches the universal soul (the ocean). The moment of enlightenment.
YEMAYA ASSESSU
ASSESSU YEMAYA
YEMAYA OLODO
OLODO YEMAYA
If you wish to connect to the Water Sisters, join the movement at: www.watersistersunited.com and help pass on this important this ceremony and offerings to water.
SATURDAY
Yoga with Yuna in the hall – 7:00-8:00
Breakfast – 8:00-9:00
Class session 2 – 9:30-11:00
*Nutmeg Baker – Grief Ritual
As I opted for the herbal lessons in September and do a lot of study on herbs myself, I decided to choose more experiential workshops this weekend, out of my head into the body and ground and for this workshop quite literally. We had a private conversation with the earth about the grief that we carry. We dug a small hole and asked for her, Mother Earth, to receive our pain and suffering. This ritual is common across many indigenous cultures and is a necessity to evolve a healthy relationship with our Creator/God. It was a beautifully vulnerable, releasing, healing and comforting experience. I must admit that I felt mostly comfort and peace, no crying, no purging (as some women where experiencing, and again I tried not to judge my own experience as being less healing). I do feel a lot of my grief has left me as I have already done so much crying in the past years, the feeling of safety and homecoming is what I needed from Mama Earth right now, just to lay there on my stomach, head in the hole, breathing.
http://www.yourwildroots.com/
**Linda Schaap – Meet the Weeds
***Tuinvrouw Teunisbloem – The Rose Family
Class session 3 – 11:30-13:00
*Danitsja de Jager – Create your own Magic Tincture
**Jennifer Moiles – Heart, Womb and Soul Dance
As a child I took years and years of ballet lessons (classical and jazz) and I loved to dance. In my later teens and twenties I danced in clubs, the beat of the music, the release, the power of a beat, I could just get lost in it and I loved it. And now, why and when did I stop dancing? As much as I loved rocking at a concert, as a Libra I love grace and beauty and this Odissi dance is right up my alley. Odissi is a dance form from the state of Odisha in eastern India. It is recognized as one of the eight classical dance forms of India, and celebrated around the world for its lyricism, sensuality and emphasis on bhakti bhava (attitude of devotion and surrender). Heart, Womb and Soul Dance is a transformative dance fusion experience that cultivates an embodied devotion to Earth, Spirit, and our precious Feminine Essence, and this essence is exactly what I feel is lacking in me when I observe other women, and I feel dance and moving my body can help me find this within me once again. I used to be sensual (still am in a way as I have the tendency to touch, taste and smell things and I am sensitive to sound, smell, fabrics, etc), but somewhere in survival mode my brain took over and my body doesn’t feel so sensual anymore, because I judge and compare it to others or the way a sensual woman should look like in our society. So for the session we began with a devotional ritual and meditation crafted to invoke a sense of groundedness and calm. We practiced hand gestures (mudras) and dance sequences intended to gently stimulate inner radiance and rejuvenation, while training our bodies to move in a manner that awakens and harnesses our innate intelligence, natural confidence, and grace. Based on the healing and performance arts of Odissi Dance, Yoga, and Qi Gong, we explored, breathe and dance to enliven our cells, organs, tissues, overall vitality, and Spirit. It was a challenging (it may look easy but it is quite hard) and joyful experience to dance together like this and I am grateful for the insights this dance has given me about myself.
http://www.heartwombandsoul.com/dance
YATO HASTA THATHO DRISTI
YATO DRISHITI TATO MANAA
YATO MANAA TATO BHAVA
YATO BHAVA TATO RASA
Where the hand goes, the eyes follow
Where the eyes go, the mind/heart follows
Where the mind/heart (awareness) is, expression is created
Once expression is created, emotion or essence (rasa) arises.
***Franzi Müller – Aromatherapy Oils and Sprays – (capacity 20 women)
Lunch – 13:00-14:00
Class session 4 – 14:30-16:00
*Saskia Nieboer & Frederike Menage – The barefoot Doctors, herbal walk
Now I went on one of her walks last year and I am a fan! Saskia is amazing! I also bought some of her products on the artisan homemade market later in the afternoon, unfortunately she has no webshop and works from Groningen (too far away for me), but with her teachings I can make my own products! In the earlier days in China elementary doctors would walk around barefoot healing all kinds of simple health problems and this walk was inspired by these natural doctors and Saskia and Frederike shared with us their knowledge about healing diseases with the simple herbs that grow around us, secret forces that are always waiting to help and we all enjoy the experience that healing herbs can give.
http://degroenezon.com/
https://www.vangrondtotmond.eu/
**Ginie Servant Miklos – Vegan Soapmaking
***Janneke Meijers – Rewilding, a forest experience
Handmade Marketplace – 16:30-18:00
Wow so many talented ladies sharing their creations, it was hard to decide what to buy and also not wanting to carry too much stuff with me on my travels later. But I did buy some tinctures from De Groene Zon. Most of the other women have webshops and I will buy there later.
Dinner -18:30
Talent evening around the fire.
So many super talented ladies in our midst, so diverse and unique, I loved it! From fire juggling to poetry and from song to dance. I didn’t experience it all as I allowed myself to go to bed early as I was feeling too much energy and exhaustion wash over me, time to rest and integrate the day. I was a bit disappointed, but instead of pushing myself like I tend (or tended) to do, I allowed myself sleep and rest.
SUNDAY
Yoga with Yuna in the hall – 7:00-8:00
Breakfast – 8:00-9:00
Class session 5 – 9:30-11:00
*Aukje Bor-Stokroos – Abundant Harvesting – around the fire pit
**Jasmijn van de Loo – Ayurveda and the Menstrual Cycle
We learned about the different constitutions and imbalances according to Ayurveda. How do these imbalances influence your moon cycle and how do we get back in balance and enjoy our cycle. Now I choose this as my cycle has been gone for a couple of years , not due to menopause, but hormonal imbalance. It stopped around the time with the stress caused by the death of my stepfather, the worry for my mother and then my parents illness and death, I feel this stress has caused the imbalance as it fits the timing. The doctors don’t see other solutions but putting me on hormones, but as I don’t want a child, they don’t understand why I find not menstruating an issue, ‘aren’t you happy to be rid of it?!’ was their remark, I felt so misunderstood and this once more stresses my loss of faith in western medicine. Not menstruating to the cycles of the Moon means the balance is off (for me way too much Vata (air and ether)) and I find balance (and health) of utmost importance, so yes I am worried and no I don’t want your hormones thank you very much! I want to feel what I feel, I want to move to the rhythms of the Moon, even if it is just a couple of years before I do go into Menopause. I feel unnatural and less of a woman because of my amenorrhea (now this I can also heal and speaking up is part of this), I know this is ridiculous, but it is honestly the way I feel. Also it is making my hair thin and my skin aging more quickly as Vata energy is very dry. However I am hopeful and I know that I can balance my hormones myself. though I am becoming rather impatient and am sort of giving up on the idea of rebalancing. Now I have been doing a lot of research and been pretty strict in what I eat and drink (to lessen the Vata energy in me), take plenty of rest, connect to nature, find a steady rhythm, nourish myself and find as much peace as possible, still nothing is (seemingly) shifting after all these years. Now I hear that this takes time, so I am not giving up. Because amenorrhea is still a taboo, I decided to ask about it out loud and it was beautiful what happened as the class shifted from a lesson to a sharing circle, people opening up talking about their feelings around menstruating. I am grateful I spoke up as again I felt at first I should not disrupt the workshop by asking a personal question, but I felt this should be mentioned to break the taboo.
https://ayurvedischcentrumeindhoven.nl/
***Thirza Prak – Wild Spa – (capacity 30 women) – in DUTC
Lunch – 11:30-12:30
Closing Circle – 12:45
Festival Ends – 13:00
Cleansed
The end of a beautiful and inspiring weekend. It was powerful! Right after we left the Uelenspieghel, I had just arrived in Heerenveen, the heavens opened and it thundered and poured with rain, cleansing and electrifying the air, it felt so good and so fresh, like stepping into a new way of being. After the weekend I felt super energized and exhausted at the same time, a full heart and head, I slept like a log and felt wonderful and strong the next day. Typing this is still feel the power of this weekend run through me.
Thank you for reading this and sharing in my experience.
More and more I am going my own way as my inner voice is important. It is so important to take sufficient distance from all day-to-day hassles to calm my head and shift focus to activities that suit, feed and sustain me.
Until next time, where I further explore my roots.
Take care x
