This Beltane post is rather late as I wasn’t at home that weekend and needed some time to integrate and sit down to write it all down. This year I celebrated Walpurgisnacht and Beltane at Earth Awareness in Teuge, The Netherlands for a Psilocybin mushroom ceremony.
Earth Awareness is one of the oldest and biggest off grid centre of the Netherlands. The creators Mark and Maya and many volunteers have built a beautiful Nature Temple here. This is an initiation centre for the people, for reflection on and reconnection with our origin and the mystery of creation. This unique experience space is specifically designed for ceremonial use. It functions as a compass and initiation centre for truth-seekers. The enchantment of the Nature Temple is the ultimate setting to explore altered states of consciousness.
The Nature Temple
The Nature Temple is a 140 m2 square work of art, organically built with thick trunks and curly branches, coloured glass and clay. The majestic wooden floor combined with a fire place in the centre gives the Nature Temple splendour. The 7 diameter geodesic dome-shaped vault at the roof functions as a galactic clock through which you can watch the celestial constellations at night. During the day the sunlight shines through and you can watch the crowns of the surrounding cathedral-like trees.
Adventures in inner space
I joined a (3-day) Psilocybin (magic mushroom) ceremony weekend. I felt, and feel, a deep need for connection, to other people and to nature. Spending most of my days working from home alone, it does get lonely at times and it is easy to get stuck in set ways. It also had been so long since I last joined an in-person gathering, I felt my soul yearning for a circle to do journey-work to help enable and empower transformation and deepening the realization of our interconnectedness with all living beings. It is so important, especially now, that we honor our connections and look deep within ourselves for strength and inspiration to build upon in our lives, in harmony with nature and the people around us. I am so grateful we were able to gather in real life in the beautiful Nature Temple.
The Medicine
Magic Mushrooms with some may have a bad reputation as a partydrug, however Psilocybin has been proved to be a strong healer for all sorts of conditions such as Cancer, Depression, Alzheimers, addictions, Anorexia Nervosa, PTSD and cluster headaches. Dr. Roland Griffiths, Ph.D., is a professor of neuroscience, psychiatry, and behavioral science and director of the Psychedelic and Consciousness Research at Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine. He is the author of over 400 scientific research publications and has trained more than 50 postdoctoral research fellows. He has been a consultant to the National Institutes of Health and numerous pharmaceutical companies in the development of new psychotropic drugs. So this is not all woo-woo and nonsense. I personally hope the use of plant medicine becomes more widely accepted, even integrated in society and beautiful centers such as Earth Awareness are a vital part in facilitating this return to wholeness. May many people be inspired to support this place by visiting one of their Open Days or Ceremonies, so they are allowed to stay and grow.
This is an interesting and beautiful documentary about fungi: https://fantasticfungi.com/
Off-grid
I packed my backpack and took the train and bus to Teuge and walking through the gates of the community, I felt a peace and creativity wash over me. I see nature and art everywhere I look and I feel weight falling off my shoulders. Maya and Mark have been living here off-grid for 18 years now and they are an example of perseverance and inspiration in action, they made this work, they didn’t only dream of this life, they did it! Respect! Doing the mushroom ceremonies is not a job or hobby for them, but a way of life. As a guest you are truly involved in their natural lifestyle and philosophy. You eat the veggies they cultivate, the artwork all around is home-made, so you can experience first-hand how it feels to live in closer connection to nature.
The schedule
Now the schedule was a bit challenging for me as I usually wake up at 6 am and go to sleep at around 10 pm, but there was plenty of time to nap in the afternoon, so that is what I did. Also I prepared by changing my rhythm a bit in the weeks before and also started fasting before the retreat. Unfortunately I wasn’t fully rested before the retreat due to unplanned workload, so next time I will take a week off before a retreat to properly prepare and be well rested and stress-free.
FRIDAY 30 April 2021
16.00-17.00 Arrival
18.00-19.00 Intakes and settling in
19.00-20.00 Opening & introduction
20.30 Magic mushroom ceremony
Soup/bread
SATURDAY 1 May 2021
10.00-11.00 Breakfast
11.30-13.30 Sharing
13.30-15.30 Free space
15.30-16.00 Soup/salad/bread
16.00-17.00 Arrival of new people
16.00-20.30 Free space
20.00-21.00 Opening & introduction
21.00 Magic mushroom ceremony
Soup/bread
SUNDAY 2 May 2021
10.00-11.30 Breakfast/lunch
11.30-13.00 Sharing
13.00-14.30 Department
After registering and doing our COVID (spit) tests we settled in and in the evening the ceremony was held. My intention for this weekend was to ignite my inner fire and burn away everything that is blocking me. The fire was lit and we all gather around the fire. Mark is a passionate and inspiring speaker and a lot of his words resonated deeply. For the ceremony a guest musician was invited, Ivo van Dijk, he can play so many instruments and has a beautiful voice. I enjoyed all music played this weekend to be healing, moving and inspiring.
Ceremony 1
The ceremony was started by sharing and making music together, this was so much fun and uplifting. We would be taking the mushrooms (Atlantis Truffles) in 2 sessions throughout the evening/night. This would be my first time taking mushrooms. I have done Ayahuasca several times, but I am not very experimental in taking drugs. Now I see nature’s teachers not as drugs and I am not here taking truffles to party. I know this can also trigger pain and other less pleasant experiences (which are also healing). I was seeking guidance and assistance in zooming out and having a different perception and angle on my life and habits. I am seeking inspiration in how to move forward and to serve to best of my abilities. Having never done truffles before I started with a half dose of 7 grams…. and nothing happened. I was just feeling tired as it was past my usual bedtime, I lay down, relaxed and enjoyed the music and expected to feel the plants work their magic soon. Around me people were clearly tripping, having fun or purging and crying. I felt clear and slowly moved past my fatigue, I was wide awake, but clear, no visions. But not to worry, I decided to take the full dose in the next round, so 15 grams it was…. and still nothing, I just started to feel cold and tired. At around 2.30 am the ceremony was closed and we shared soup and bread to ground ourselves fully again. Disappointed I went to bed and I lay awake pondering why the medicine rejected me, it felt like Mother Nature herself didn’t want to embrace me. But perhaps I have to turn this question around and ponder why I am rejecting myself and not willing to accept my true nature? I sometimes feel I live so far from my true self, my true calling, my natural way of being, that I have forgotten how to to relax and surrender. I also received the message that I have to choose to walk this path by myself and take the first steps on my own, from there on I will be met halfway. Do I really dare to open to the magick of life? Do I dare to be in-spired?
It is optional to sleep in the Temple but I decided to sleep in a personal tent, though next time I will sleep in the Temple as I feel this would be a wonderful experience.
The day after
The next morning, after a wonderfully replenishing shower, I felt refreshed, though groggy as I slept poorly. We had a wonderful breakfast together, the sun was just popping through (the weather this year is strangely cold and wet, still near freezing at night) and it was so nice to eat together in the garden and share. The food was lovingly prepared by Maya and her daughter, with ingredients from their own garden and greenhouse. Breakfast is the only meal of the day (and the soup and bread after ceremony) as our stomachs need to be empty to receive the mushrooms. Breakfast was followed by a beautiful sharing circle and a goodbye to a few participants as they signed up for one ceremony only. It already felt like we have known each other longer than one day only. There was yoga in the Temple and one of the participants gave us a chair massage which was so soothing. Slowing down this weekend made me feel how very tired I really was, well still am, so I gave into it and spent most of the day sleeping and resting. The weather wasn’t very nice, so my plans of hiking and exploring the surroundings quickly went out the window. I think sleep was more beneficial now.
Ceremony 2
Again we started lighting the fire at around 7 pm and we gathered around. Some new people had arrived and they were welcomed in our midst. This time I took the full dose of 15 grams twice, and again same as the night before, which is nothing. I was the only one out of the group that experienced nothing and I understand it is unusual, which makes me wonder what is wrong with me (mentally or physically) and I am sure there is a solid reason this needs to happen to me, though deep down I do feel disappointed and rejected. These sure are old wounds for me to heal, the feeling of not belonging and being shunned. I decided to close my eyes and surrender to the music and enjoy being in this beautiful place with such wonderful people. And the joy of this made me calm and that night I slept like a log, peacefully. The next day we were once again greeted by a sunny breakfast. After the deeply moving and empowering sharing circle and closing of ceremony we all packed our belongings and said our goodbyes. How good is it to hug people?!! Hugging people, touching, seeing laughing faces, this is just what I needed. I forgot all about Covid for three days, I am so glad to know that I still can and that one day we may forget about this all together and be together again freely and naturally. How this is missed and needed. Let us never stop hugging each other and really touch each other, not just physically, but energetically as well. The gathering in circles is so healing and important and I feel this is our way forward for humanity. Let us never forget our how beautiful we are as humans. Let us never forget what makes us human and to see each other and to see ourSelves reflected in the eyes of the other. Let us sing and make music together and witness each other process joy and pain and share in laughter and tears. This is powerful beyond words.
Back home
I was fortunate to catch a ride back to Amsterdam and had a lovely chat in the car. Back home I unpacked, did laundry and grocery shopping and in the evening when I quietly sat down on the couch I became ill and started to throw up. A deep exhaustion overcame me and this lasted for two full days. Sleeping and throwing up. I couldn’t even keep water down. Mark and Maya lovingly provided me with after care and I want everyone to know that these challenges are mine, every journey is unique and personal, and has nothing to do with the guidance and support or lack thereof of Maya, Mark or the mushrooms. The team and the other participants were very supportive and kind. Now I still don’t know what this was, food poisoning, though it couldn’t have been the food from there though as it was very well and lovingly prepared and there was nothing that could be spoiled such as meat or fish (as it was vegetarian). Perhaps I accidentally drank some of the rainwater from the tap or shower? Don’t know. It also could have been a migraine (I did feel very lightheaded and strange) or a late reaction to the truffles (I also had a late reaction to Ayahuasca once, but not a full day later?). Though the message was clear, I needed to detox, rest and integrate, so that is what I did. I called in sick from work and I slept and slept and released the muck so I can receive and see more clearly and heal.
Though the experience wasn’t what I expected (is it ever though?) I have no regrets of undertaking this adventure. I know that as I work with the messages received and start taking action on my insights I will find my footing again. Often I think of the great fire in the middle of the temple and I am grateful for it transmuting all negativity and inspiring me to be brave and start living again. I will surely return to the Nature Temple and try again, though be it well rested and in a warmer season. And if again nothing happens, the gathering of people around a fire is empowering and can’t be underestimated. Especially in this time it is so important to gather together and witness each other. The power of intention, fire and the gathering of people makes for powerful healing.
Use the fire to enlighten, ignite and purify us.
May it be so. May we be free to shine. May we free ourselves. May we be ourselves.
The power of intention, fire and the gathering of people makes for powerful healing.
Beltane tarot spread
Now as this is a Beltane post and I worked with the tarot to help guide my intention, I hereby share the reading I did for myself.
I used The White Numen tarot deck and spread by Xia Hunt.
- The Lovers show me that I am birthing an outward energy of balance, harmony and love. The planet Venus rules my astrology strongly and I feel I could honor her more by opening my heart and fully dare to love, myself and others.
- Black Numen is an odd card to show me how I can best nurture this energy of love and balance. The Black Numen symbolize clinging on to causes that may seem lost. Distraction and confusion. A challenge to faith, with the knowledge that it shall return. The card features jackals, an Egyptian animal emblem of the underworld. I feel this card asks me to have faith, be patient and work with my subconscious. Love and harmony will return, for everything dies, transmutes and returns.
- The Magician inspires me to use my knowledge and skills for focused creativity.
- King of Swords shows me that I don’t need bold power and the power of my mind, defensiveness and inner battles, I need to believe in myself and my inspiration and let go of what other people think or do. I have to pave my own unique path and lead, not follow. Burn away all sharp words and thinking and start creating from a place of balance and love.
- Knight of Cups tells me that ease, grace, calm and an energy of unattachment to the outcome will help me rejuvenate and grow. Let go of the need to know and trust the journey by taking the steps. The Knight of Cups is an indicator of messages coming to from spirit so I need to pay attention to the synchronicities around me and take action. Let myself be guided.
Thank you for reading and I hope you had a transformative Beltane yourself. If you feel so called, please feel free to share in the comments below. I would love to read from you.
Take care and until next time. Don’t forget to enjoy the ride.
