How are you? For many it will feel like a relief that 2020 is over. What a year it was! A year where all rationality seems to have left the planet. The world has gone into a hypnotic trance as television and the internet are lulling us into a state of compliance.
Thank you for visiting. I hope you are okay and have been able to take a breather at the end of a very intense and difficult year for almost everyone on this planet. Take good care of yourself and do what you need to relax and get rid of anxiety and fear as I feel the ride isn’t over for a long time yet. Keep breathing, stay grounded and centered, one day at a time.
This is going to be a long post as this was quite the year. I am mostly writing these yearly reflections for myself to reflect and intent, but you are welcome to read along. It helps me clear my energy and focus on the coming year. I invite you to do the same as focused attention is powerful and properly ending the year past is healing and empowering. I write this without editing myself to much, like a journaling exercise, and as I have censored myself too much as it is already, I feel that in this space I am free to express myself, after all this is my website. You are welcome to disagree with me, but again this is how I feel and this is my truth at this moment.
2020 was an Emperor year and boy was it ever! The Emperor rules over power structures, work, hierarchies and governments. I don’t like clear boundaries, restrictions or people telling others what to do and worse what to think. Call it late puberty, but I can be quite stubborn and rebellious when I want to. Must be my Taurus Moon stirring my Libra Sun and Rising with it’s horns. I have been asking questions all my life, I never left the toddler ‘why’ phase, and I have a (I think) healthy distrust of the agreed upon narrative, call it trust issues, whatever, just don’t command me what to do, I can think for myself thank you. Ask nicely and I might comply if I agree and if what your asking is reasonable, but all common sense is gone now and no I do not comply, my boundaries are severely crossed.
I am so done with all the virtue signaling and I am going to stop censoring myself.
This was a year of awareness and growth. The the first months I really felt the need to share what I thought I knew about the world situation and started trying to convince others and of course that never has the effect that was intended though I meant well. Moreover, it was not only motivated by beneficence to the rest of the world, but also from a kind of fear that otherwise we would all go down with the system. And this is fear. Though I do not fear the virus, I do fear the consequences from all the measures and the plan ‘they’ seem to be rolling out. It is all there in black and white to read.…and weep.
Besides the lockdowns and anti-social distancing the masks were introduced. Another test in how docile we are. By now I had learned from doctors, scientists, virologists and other experts, that these are useless in warding off viruses and can even put people in danger. I am still baffled how docile a large proportion of people put on these masks voluntarily without questioning, even when they are walking outside by themselves! Anyway the moral for me is that I have been triggered so often this year and this is teaching me to keep practicing non-judgement and makes me feel even stronger that everyone had a freedom to choose what they want to do. I just wonder if their choices are based on honest information, but that is another story.
Compassion and love remain the key and I can remain aware of that and keep practicing. Trust that there is nothing in vain, that everything has a reason and to have no fear of ‘what if’. And in the meantime stay connected to myself, keep learning, keep connecting. And here and there also some sharing of information. Because a time comes for everyone to look beyond what we have always learned in our upbringing, at school and in the media.
2020
Now I consider myself blessed and lucky for I am doing alright, tired, but with a fire blazing inside of me. I lost that passion, that zest for life for a bit in the past years, but I am feeling more alive than ever. It has been a challenging year full of disappointments and energetic shifts and many will be relieved, hoping that the new year has something better in store for us, eagerly await the new opportunities that the new year is expected to bring. The principle of a new year implies the possibility of something new that can replace the old; something that can replace the old year. At the moment, there are undoubtedly many who will not be very critical of what that replacement will look like, as long as we don’t have to deal with a repeat of the past year. It was a year in which we were collectively challenged to realize what is really important in life. It was a numerological 4 years, usually a sign of stability and structure. Collectively, you could say that everything felt far from stable and this resulted in…,any more structures which were imposed on us. The planet that had great influence on us in 2020 was Saturn and it taught us all about boundaries…or are we still learning?
Many people felt unfettered and limited, others felt anxious about the uncertain times and still others became very angry. It is interesting to see how external conditions have different effects on people. You could say that in many ways it shook our worldview.
It was and is heartwarming to see how people cooperated and helped each other, especially in the beginning of the year 2020. Though now more and more people are drifting apart, the polarization, fed by politics and the media, is dividing people into camps and the energy is hostile and this makes me sad, we are so easily divided. Group-think is something to be aware of and never stop thinking for yourself. Zoom out, detach and observe your beliefs. It is important to stop playing ego games and respect each other, try to understand other people’s point of view and why do we so easily trust other people to tell us what is true? Please if I have any advice at all, do your own research, check your own heart and discern, check your ego and old beliefs at the door and observe from a calm heart as fear is such a lousy adviser.
Having said all of the above, I am amazed by the resilience of people and the energy and ability to find new ways of living and being together and coming up with solutions to our ‘predicament’. Where some of our old relationships became outdated, new friendships and communities were formed and friendships that remained were deepened and enhanced; quality over quantity and I have a deep gratitude for the people in my life that are still there without judgement or virtue signaling even though they may not agree with me.
If anything at all, this year showed us how connected we are
Gratitude
Though this year was mostly frustrating and baffling, it was also a year I could close with gratitude, as I know we need to go through this time in order to move forward to something better, a new age, new possibilities, we hold the vision, we shape the future, now even more so than ever before, so be aware of your thoughts and intentions all the time, for you are a powerful creator.
I am grateful for my day job and my dear colleagues, they were and are the ones I see online five days a week and they have been a great support. It was challenging and nerve wrecking as I almost lost my job in a reorganization, but in the end I made a promotion, so I am super grateful for that and I am trying to fight the nagging guilt as I know many people are not so fortunate.
Though for me it is time to stop being so worried for other people as this doesn’t empower them and it drains my energy. Of course I can support them when they want to be, but I have to stop carrying the load and worry about things that I have no control over. Time to let go. And it is time to let go of all the guilt and blame. The virtue signaling and snitching. Time for gratitude and compassion and mutual understanding and support. That will move us forward this year.
I am grateful for more me-time (be careful what you wish for as one of my wishes for 2020 was more time for self-care) as working from home means no commuting, time for daily rituals and self-care (yoga breaks and walks outside). Eating healthier meals as I can prepare fresh in my kitchen and less distraction as I live by myself, though I do very much miss socializing with colleagues and friends.
I am also grateful for being healthy, I am more fit than ever due to working from home, not having to commute, and having that extra time for daily walks and yoga. Also my morning routine is so much less stressful.
I am grateful for all the time spent in nature and exploring The Netherlands, my home ground. Because we can’t travel abroad and I have a need to wander and roam, I had more time to do what I always been wanting to do and that is explore and connect more deeply to the land I live on. I have been visiting new places and reading about the history of the land. It has been powerful and so healing.
I am grateful for my friends and family, the ones that accept me for who I am and don’t virtue signal or judge me (or others). You don’t have to agree with me, but if you can’t respect my choices, then bye bye! I am grateful for those who remained and the new ones I met. Thankfully, I don’t feel lonely often. I am quite used to being alone and I am a bit of a hermit, so this suits me well, though I do miss hugs and meeting friends, as well as going to concerts (I strangely crave a good mosh pit haha), musea (though I managed to visit a few this year), restaurants, etc. I miss seeing people and just interacting in real life. I miss workshops, events, group work, celebrating the Sabbaths together, and much more. But lonely, thankfully not, how strange it may sound, I quite like my own company.
Also I would like to send gratitude to myself for my stamina and grit. I worked hard this year (as any year really) and I took good care of myself. I didn’t panic and took time to investigate. I am proud of how I showed up and how more courageous I have become. Of course there were and are triggers and people’s remarks hurt, but I am getting better and better in not taking other people’s convictions so personal. I am even grateful for the frustration as it means I care deeply and it also ignites creativity. This year I feel stronger, more fit and more in love with life. I am looking forward to a time when all division is gone and people get together in respect and harmony. And so it is.
Fear no more
Personally this year has brought up all kinds of old fear such as losing livelihood, money, home, losing friends, being bullied, shunned abd judged, though I have stood firm and still stand by my truth. So I am grateful for this opportunity to work with this old fear and transmute it into strength to use to move forward. And for a control ‘freak’ such as I this year has told me to be patient and let go, it taught me to deal with disappointment and be creative in thinking of alternatives. I feel this year has taught all of us what we really need. This year also taught me that I do not fear dis-ease and trust my body. I don’t fear the virus and I also had a health issue this year which triggered memories of losing the people I love to Cancer. I went to the hospital and undergone all the test by myself and managed to stay relatively calm and clear headed (I am fine by the way, I am choosing to treat the cause and not the symptoms). I realized that fear of death is futile and fighting death is fighting life. We have now stopped living to prevent death, how strange is that?!
Achy breaky heart
Heartbreaking it is to witness all the polarization and collateral damage done by one-sided tunnel vision approach in order to address this virus. How can we be so blinded by fear that we do not see those who suffer greatly not from the virus but from the measures. There is so much collateral damage done, it makes me cry. People all over the world are suffering of hunger, untreated diseases, loneliness and desperation, though no one is allowed to question the mainstream narrative that we are doing all of this for the greater good. Now this to me isn’t a surprise, because I know how this works, but still it breaks my heart to see how easily frightened people are and how selfish for not seeing how other people are suffering. But again a lesson in non-judgement and letting go of this disappointment. Thankfully I also see a lot of people standing up and I hope this can be turned so not more people need to lose hope. I hope the damage done can be healed, though at this point I am not so sure and for many it is already too late.
I’m on fire
This year has awoken a fire deep within me. I had been feeling rather burned out before, years of intense stress and grief had taken its toll, and I was at a point that I couldn’t even become angry anymore. I often tried, but couldn’t. Again be careful what you wish for because, did I have plenty to rage about this year! Anger has a higher vibration than apathy, so yes I am grateful for my anger. The anger transmuted now into all kinds of emotions, from bafflement and disappointment to deep compassion and confidence. My perception is so much clearer and my energy calm and I am no longer afraid to be judged or laughed at, I know who I am, well of course not fully, yet, but making a daily effort to get to know the whole ‘me’. I am infinite and focussing on self-knowledge and managing my own energy for that is all we can really do in this life and all we are responsible for. Now this doesn’t mean a solitary path and fuck everybody else, no we don’t live in a vacuum and we are all connected and come from the same source, we see that so much clearer now in this ‘pandemic’. So do no harm, but take no shit. Let us break free from the collective spell and find our way home.
2021
2021 is a Hierophant year, the 5th card in the deck and the card of belief systems. It also looks at structure like The Emperor does, but The Hierophant sees the world through the lens of spirituality, traditions and spiritual community. Right now there is a war on free thinking, this is not the war on a virus but a spiritual war. There is a war on the ability to think outside the consensus belief system box. These days it is considered a conspiracy when you ask questions that don’t support the narrative fed to us. People are in so much fear that all critical thinking has gone out the window. It is all just numbers and measures as if life is a science experiment. Now wearing my tin foil hat I do think life is one big experiment and not the natural life we are supposed to live and I am hopeful as more and more people are realizing this now by asking questions of what is really important and what makes us human? We are not robots, we are so far more complex than a bunch of numbers, we are not just data and energy to harvest. We are immensely powerful, don’t you feel that? Stop being hypnotized by screens and start doing your own research and thinking and don’t take my word for it either, don’t take anyone’s word for it. Spend less time watching tv and the internet and that includes alternative media. Different points of view may help you break out of old ways of thinking, but do your own research, discern, use your intuition and spend more time in silence, you need quiet to hear your own voice and all your senses. Engage with them and start listening and you will see you are guided.
We need to learn how to love and live with nature.
The 5 is also the number of freedom, revolution and radical change, so hang on to your hats, the urge for freedom is enormous. This energy is also characterized by highs and lows as the 5 is much more dynamic than the 4. So expect lots of rapid change this year.
What I envision is that in the coming year people will embrace new and more loving ways of living together, simply because the old systems no longer work. It is time to come up with solutions that will make the life of every person becomes lighter, nicer and more loving instead of more fearful, heavier and frustrating. I invite you to make use of this energy that is now opening up.
My 2021
This year is all about going my own way as my inner voice is now more important than ever. I am taking enough distance from the issues of the day to calm my mind and focus my attention on activities that suit me and match who I am. It is a year of development, for example by study, and translating acquired insights and experience into a project that interests me. The energy of this year gives me inspiration. So the coming year I am focusing on personal development and knowledge, these my focus words for 2021.
It is important to express your longings and desires, so here are mine for 2021:
1. Freedom
2. Expansion
3. Expression
4. Creativity
5. Neutrality
6. Connection
7. Confidence
8. Self knowledge
2021 will show me how firm I stand in my truth and compassion as the challenges are building by the day. I am walking my talk, one step at a time.
Do not worry about things that you cannot directly influence. Share your knowledge and express your creativity in a way that suits you. You achieve the most with a cheerful, gentle and loving attitude. Don’t you see a way out? Go within or go do something fun, this is also a time to enjoy yourself. Dare to trust your inspiration and creativity.
The collective chaos will not change soon and it will probably intensify, so it is important to decide how you want to feel, envision and really feel this and train yourself to hold this energy and space for yourself. So much opportunity comes from knowing your vision and who you truly are. Practice to feel safe from within and know that everything you need will come to you at the right time and place.
Walk with awareness and consciousness into this new year. Reclaim your own personal re-membering. In 2021 I choose to remain feeling light, clear and calm. And I wish you the very same. Let’s walk more kindly, consciously and in harmony with each other.
Re-member no one has authority over you and you are sovereign.
“Trust the magic of new beginnings.”
— Meister Eckhart
Wishing you a year filled with grace and love. Be well. Be wise. Be in wonder. Take care and ‘see’ you soon.
Thank you to my lovely clients, who have trusted me with their cards and been reading these words for all these years. It’s been an honor to serve you in 2020.
