Hello,
Long time no write, my apologies. I hope you are doing well.
This year has just been … no words, let’s say challenging and it is not seeming to ease up.
The year for me started with a party, for me a first in a long time. I haven’t been celebrating New Year’s for ages, because I never felt like there was anything to celebrate, the past years have been rough and I decided this would be my year, 2020, I wanted to roar.
I was doing well at my job, I felt inspired, wanted to create more offerings and courses here at Joy in Creation and I wanted to make great progress with my tarot deck this year. And, I was planning to go on a long dreamt of and saved for road trip with my best friend, we were going to tour the Southern States of the US in April, it was all paid for and we were ready to go. I was so much looking forward to this, but ofcourse Covid happened and well, the world just went crazy very fast. Of course no traveling, but that is fine for now, I hope we can do this trip later or at least get a refund, but all things considered, this is not much of an issue for me right now, I am exploring my home country and for now that is fine. I would love to see my family abroad again, but no rush. Work has been more challenging though as we are in the middle of a reorganization because of smaller budgets and it looks like I may lose my job and this is bringing up all sorts of fear around safety and security. This is a long process so nothing is certain yet until later this year. This stress of not knowing has really stifled my creativity and I haven’t made much art and also I find no inspiration for blogging and creating courses and other input for Joy in Creation. Now writing this I think silly me, art is healing, art brings comfort, why am I so frozen and distracted? Why do I seem unable to create? (isn’t writing and blogging creating?)
Diffuse fear
We are dealing with diffuse fear, which is really anxiety, constant stress. Anxiety is a diffuse, unpleasant, vague sense of apprehension. It isn’t clear what we are afraid of, but something is lingering in the ‘air’.
Now I don’t want to use this platform for debating Covid and what I think and feel is really going on, but I lean towards the conspiracy ‘theories’ though I am aware of a lot of falsehoods in the so called truther community. I am on a path of discernment and I keep observing and am not really getting involved in anyone’s narrative, quietly observing. What I do know is that the official narrative doesn’t sit right with me. And I may have been reading too many books and seen too many films, but from what I see we are headed for a dystopian future pronto. Also I see this time as a great opportunity for positive change, so I am focusing on that outcome and trying to keep my spirits high, though this is challenging when feeling like the only sane person in a crazy world and my foundation feels like it is crumbling underneath my feet.
No matter what you fear, be it the virus (illness and death) or the unknown future, because let’s face it, no matter what, things will never be ‘normal’ again and we are headed for financial disaster and surveillance, that much is sure. And I am just so baffled by how easy people hand over their rights and start policing each other, this is so hard to swallow and makes me very sad.
Diffuse fear can be persistent if you don’t face it. How do you stay or become mentally resilient? What are the remedies for diffuse anxiety? How do you reduce diffuse anxiety?
Connectedness
Diffuse feelings of fear are more bearable if you feel the space in others to express them. In connection with others there can be healing attention for the feelings of unrest and insecurity. A strong bond between the different people creates a sense of security, which reduces or even disappears the diffuse fear. Now I don’t have many people in my life that I can express my feeling about this situation to without risking an argument, so yes this is a time for me to seek a new tribe where I am allowed to be my full self. I trust this tribe will appear as soon as I start living more authentically.
Imagination
Imagination is also a powerful remedy for diffuse fear. Actively using your imagination basically makes you stronger. Carl Gustav Jung developed a method to call up images (imaginations) from the unconscious and to make contact with them.
Repressed images in the unconscious are then given the opportunity to integrate into consciousness. This makes it possible to capture the unnameable, diffuse fear in words. And thus it becomes possible to talk about your feelings. In addition, being creative together also creates the connection that has a strong healing effect. This is essentially the practice we do in SoulCollage®. Time to start facilitating workshops again, this time needs it more than ever.
Release
For me all the built up stress is releasing at this moment. The first months of Covid I was sort of grateful for spending more time at home and a lot of time out in nature though I was very worried about the state of the world and people dying from all things but Covid, the collateral damage to me is just something I can’t understand and makes me very sad indeed. I couldn’t really deal with the sadness properly as I was too busy doing Zoom calls and working from home to really notice the tenseness in my body and mind. Worries were nagging at me and frustration around all the restrictions and (to me) silly rules. But I vented, did yoga, meditated, journaled and again spent a lot of time in nature and I walked, walked and walked some more. Also working from home improved my diet, so I should be feeling great, but I don’t.
Sensorship
Not being able to express myself in this world is starting to have an effect on me and even here on my own blog I notice I am careful in picking my words and I have stopped sharing any of my thoughts that are important to me on Social Media, because I fear to tread on people’s toes and/or lose friends, another primal fear, being cast from community.
Spit it out
And so my body suffers and my creativity suffers. Lately I have been feeling very tired and losing weight (which is concerning for me as I don’t have a lot of it as is) and just feeling off, I blamed the stress, until I found a big lump on my neck. I am now going for tests at the hospital. I have a tumor underneath my left ear (parotid gland), still waiting for the results and next steps, but I am taking proactive measures in looking at Hamer’s Biological Laws of Nature and here this lump means I am forced to ‘eat’ something that I don’t want, but can’t spit out and this lump is helping me provide the saliva to spit it out, the body is always helping and assisting. When there is nothing I don’t want to swallow or can’t spit out, the lump will disappear, for its function is over. I am working through this with an alternative specialist, finding the triggers and meaning of this so I can heal it.
So this blog is part of me spitting out all the shit of this time that I don’t want to swallow! I am done swallowing other people’s crap, I am not cleaning my plate like a good little girl from now on, I am leaving the table to create the life I want to live. I am done keeping quiet and small. I am not conforming and walking in line, I am choosing love and self-care.
Now choosing love doesn’t mean hiding from darkness and brushing over everything with love and light, no it means fully facing what is and saving ourselves, being there for ourselves and following our intuition. We know what is true, we just need to dare to listen to ourselves. This time invites us to listen more to our hearts and get out of our mind. Stop polarizing, stop pointing fingers, stop looking for saviors.
I have also started doing this 52-week process again (bought this book in 2012) seeking and re-kindling my passion, because I seem to have lost my roaring flame I just retrieved at the beginning of this year. I am so looking forward to discovering what is dormant inside of me.
I am doing a lot of Inner Child work at the moment and I so love that little girl. She was a risk taker, she wasn’t afraid even though she was bullied and her father was away a lot, which made her mother fearful when we were home alone. This little girl lived in another world, she had such an imagination. She was daring, bold and loud. She was and she still is, inside of me. For all these year’s I have been putting a face mask on her, not wanting to see her, not wanting to hear her. Time to take the mask off and show my real face.
Now ask yourself what fears arise in our adult life? Fear of being wrong. The fear of being rejected by others. Fear of others’ opinions. The fear of hurting our ego. Fear just stifles creativity.
Because of this fear, we avoid drawing attention to ourselves (no wonder I feel no one sees me!). We settle for mediocrity. We prefer to stay in our comfort zones. The act to create is a human need and when we suppress it, we suppress who we truly are, we suppress when we are holding fear and fear deprives us from coming alive and being who we are.
Now isn’t the point of life being who you are and come to live being it?!
When we are in fear we can’t create, so please everyone let go of this fear and start creating because our beautiful new world needs your uniqueness and your creative power.
WE can do this, the year isn’t over yet, let’s make 2020 FABULOUS!
Are you with me?
Please share how you are, what your fears are at the moment and do you hold fear for the future and also what are the opportunities you see for us creating a beautiful world to live in, where everyone can thrive in their creativity.
Hope to see you and connect with you from a place of authentic creativity.
No fear!
