Hello my friend,
Long time no see, I apologize for being absent from this space, my online home. You see I was too busy fighting and now I am tired and see very clearly now that a different ‘strategy’ needs to be taken.
You see I have been resisting what I see happening in the world and been trying to figure out what is really going on and how to get out of this as best we can. Because I foresee a very bleak future if we continue on this path of control and manipulation. Vive La Resistance, I will not comply. And I still don’t but I realize that fighting and resisting is not the path to freedom and peace. Mostly I am just fighting myself and my feelings, deep rooted fear based programs that are rooted in unresolved traumatic experiences from the past are coming to the surface and they are here to be healed. And all the fighting has left me drained, exhausted and confused.
Because the mind has previously learned it must try to “figure everything out,” especially during times of change, it’s easy to find ourselves reattaching to old coping behaviors that keep us stuck in vibrations of fear, worry, and lack. And yes I have been spending so much time on the interwebs trying to discover ‘the truth’ and I am so sick and tired of all the rabbit holes and I am feeling more and more confused. I realize that the “trying to figure everything out” response is a sign of resistance as my mind, my ego, is just trying to be in control to keep itself feeling safe and protected. Yet when resistance comes up, it is a confirmation that big breakthroughs are near as they happen when the mind freaks out because old thoughts and methods are no longer working and it realizes that change must happen, even though it feels very uncomfortable to the mind as it fights the internal shifts that come with growth, because it has been trained to think of change as something that will take away the identity it has created for itself and will no longer be needed. There is nothing wrong with our egos, but they shouldn’t be in the driver’s seat, especially not in a time when change is inevitable and thus our inner resistance great. We need to tame the tiger and find comfort in the discomfort.
So yes I have been absent from this blog, but I have not been idle. I have been fighting (energetic) wars during the day and in nighttime. My ego has been strongly protecting my sense of self, which resolved in the classic polarization of us against them. But I see clearly now that this is an invitation to not give into my ego’s need to be right and choose sides. This is an inner game, time to turn the search for answers within (and not search hopelessly on (social) media and looking for other people to have all the answers and solutions) as the old way of doing things is no longer working, we are just stuck in a repeating loop, going over the same patterns again and again.
And now licking my wounds, getting back my strength and happiness, instead of trying to understand everything and being triggered by the world I decided to take a step back and gently observe so I can respond instead of react and to feel my intuition and let it lead me and dissolve all confusion and doubt. Now most of my spare time I spend either doing yoga, meditation, making art, reading tarot and I am out in nature (a lot) or connecting with friends. And that is the reason why I have not been posting on this website, I was practicing hard-core self care and focusing on what is needed most at this moment and that is love, compassion and joy.
You see everything that you give attention grows. I know almost everyone knows this, but it seems too simple to really be ‘true’. It seems such a ‘soft’ approach and us humans like big, bold, clear statements. Though your attention is super powerful and you will see that most things are the exact opposite of how we humans perceive them to be. So it is important we focus and stay mindful and not be distracted, though this is such a challenge in these chaotic times I know. Just re-member, everything you give your attention grows, negative or positive.
Look at the worldwide demonstrations, anger, violence, looting and people diametrically opposed. The differences and inequality are only growing and two camps are emerging … black and white, for and against the lock-down…. Statues are demolished and defaced and things get horribly out of hand. People are being muddled for bad jokes and it isn’t about anything else anymore. The more attention you pay to our differences, the bigger and grittier it will get. We have come to a point now where anyone voicing a different opinion from the status quo is bullied or worse silenced. And in these chaotic times we need to hear each other clearly and see beyond all the confusion and stand strong together. We need to stop fighting and demonizing each other.
I am not saying to look away and not do anything but instead of demonstrating against racism, I’d rather demonstrate for equality. Equality for all people … black, white, brown, yellow, red, male female, gay, straight, alternative, loners, weirdos and so on, people come in such beautiful diversity … Equality (or is it equity that counts? – will save this topic for another post) for everyone matters, a lot! Inside we are all the same and we all want to be the same, opposing each other does not solve anything, though standing next to each other, listening and finding solutions together … that makes sense to me.
I am not saying no to racism, but YES to equality. That is an essential difference. The same goes for the lockdown, I am not saying no to control and regulations but YES to individual freedom.
A demonstration against something rarely makes a difference, it often makes the problem worse, therefor I have decided not to demonstrate and no longer focus on what I don’t want, but on what I do want. I do try and stay informed, I am not putting my head in the sand, but I try and observe and not immediately react, so I can feel clearly where I stand and where I want to focus on and what comes up for personal healing.
Between global pandemics, crisis, uprisings, demonstrations and general chaos in the world it becomes hard to “figure out” what we are able to do, so choose wisely and especially what feels best for you! We can learn to stand strong in this world that is seeming to fall apart without polarizing and without becoming fundamentalist, then whatever we do today will have a positive effect on the future as it will bring us closer together and we can focus on a world we all want to see.
I hope that in this time of isolation and separateness we will discover we are not an island and we need each other, that we will start to look at each other, the person behind the mask, listening and joining forces to create equality, freedom and togetherness, a better world for everyone, no matter where you come from, who you are or what you believe in.
These times are very empowering, though we may feel quite the opposite as looking at the world all may seem lost. In these times it becomes so clear life is worth fighting for. Stripped down from all the distractions of modern life we see what really counts and that is love and connection.
This lifetime can be one of the most spiritual experiences we can have. Because in this crisis we have a chance to reassess our lives, and create a new and higher reality for ourselves. This is a time us magick folk are made for as we are at the crossroads and we know this place well.
What choice will you make? Which path will you follow?
I have chosen to continue doing my inner (& shadow) work and embody the kind of world I would like to live in. And I know it is a road of ups and downs and I will be triggered many times along the way as our triggers are mirrors and help us grow, but only if we transmute them to creative energy. When we get triggered we are invited to not push it away, but really be with the discomfort and from inside of us let this energy transform us and with that the world we reflect outward. When this initial reaction of rejection and judgement is contained, you can act and respond in a different way, not from a need to defend or attack but from love, compassion and understanding. This contributes towards unity and this is how together we create a global positive shift for the future.
Choose wisely.
Until soon.
