First of all, thank you so much for being here, for taking time to visit my online home. Thank you for being you and for holding strong. Thank you for being open to change and your vision for a better world. Thank you for inspiring me and for your support. Thank you for being.

This week the US celebrated Thanksgiving. I hope you all enjoyed the festivities. And I am sending extra love to everyone who doesn’t feel festive and/or has no one to celebrate with or nothing to celebrate or be grateful for. I feel you. Part of me is dreading the holidays and the times spent alone, but also I am craving more time alone and some rest, so it is kind of perfect I don’t have too many parties to attend.

Now all these commercial holidays such as Halloween, Thanksgiving, Sinterklaas and Christmas confuse me as in I don’t know what to think or feel about them. A part of me likes the celebration (any excuse for a party), the break from the ordinary, festive energy and the illusion it brings, as in an escape from real life (or is life the illusion?). I love the lights and decorations, I even like Christmas songs and -movies! But the other part of me is so aware of the old festivities and festivals, the celebrations before Christianity and Commercialization and I feel a strong need for the strengthening of the true meaning of our holidays and I am disgusted that these festivities are deduced to pure commercial schemes.

Yesterday it was Black Friday and though this has nothing to do with our country, we don’t celebrate Thankgiving, but as of a few years ago we have been deluged by Black Friday campaigns. For years, Black Friday was a purely American affair. Only in the last ten years has the phenomenon been seen in other countries, such as Great Britain, France and Germany. In the Netherlands, the first retail chains started in 2014 with Black Friday sales. In addition to the American clothing brand Levi’s, Mediamarkt and iCentre also participated. This sale day has now also become established in the Netherlands. Just under 97 percent of all Dutch people are familiar with Black Friday. At the same time, according to the researchers, Dutch people are quite indifferent about it: more than half of the respondents were not very positive and Black Friday considered “exaggerated American stuff” (phew we still have some sanity, though walking through the city yesterday, it felt very different!)

I am glad to say that I didn’t spend a dime yesterday! These kind of loud sale campaigns have an opposite effect on me, I don’t like to be pushed and I will not be told what to want.

Yesterday I attended the National Conference Soa Hiv Seks which my employer, my day job (Aidsfonds / Soa Aids Nederland) organizes every year. With a new director, fresh partnerships and a renewed focus, this all came together organically in a strong plenary start of the day with an inspiring performance by the House of Hopelezz . I hope that this is a sign of what our organization and this country can expect for times to come. “Be who you want to be” is the slogan of the House of Hopelezz and the members of this club are mostly from countries where they couldn’t be themselves. Amsterdam is know to be liberal, free and tolerant, but this is changing rapidly. I hope we celebrate our differences and respect each other in a world that is becoming more and more polarized.

I am grateful to live in a place where people can still (to some extend) be who they are or want to be (fake it till you make it baby). But for how long? People are more and more turning on each other, mistrusting different opinions and views and fighting over who is right. Tolerance is going down the drain. People are afraid and let themselves be divided. And sure, yes we do live in a scary age. Chance is scary and there is little consistency at the moment. Our lives are being more and more controlled and we are moving towards a centralized government (and this is being sold to us as being for our own protection – don’t fall for it). We are losing our identity and melting together into a large grey mass. I believe there is strength in differences, in uniqueness. Not difference as in division, the world is not black or white (not yet), there are so many shades and all are beautiful. We should be aware of choices we are given, as though they may seem good, do know that they are limited. We think we have freedom, but what we have is defined choices and don’t you dare color outside the lines and seek for infinite freedom. More and more our choices are being restricted and controlled. Beware.

Broken

I have been away from this website for a bit as I had some issues to deal with. It is very busy at the office (my day job) and I had a bit of a health ‘scare’. I found a lump in my armpit and my general practitioner told me to have an echo done at the hospital to check it out. Fortunately it turned out to be my lymph nodes being swollen and a blood test has to show if I have an infection or a virus. I have been feeling rather ‘not well’ lately, so we’ll see what comes out of the tests.

Somehow when my energy gets low, things around me start to break down as well. I have seen this happen in the past, like everything I touch goes to shit. First my coffee machine broke down (it was quite new and just had it fixed for quite some money (as it was acting up from the start) – this time I got rid of it and I will make old fashioned filter coffee again), then quickly thereafter my blender gave in (which I use daily for breakfast – so bought a replacement), then my fridge stopped working and the final drop was the hard drive of my Mac gave up the ghost so I had new memory installed. And Mercury wasn’t even retrograde!

The timing wasn’t great as I was just about to plan and buy myself a break, a little trip somewhere, but with all these expenses, I guess I am not going anywhere 🙁 And on the other had if I would have booked the trip before all of this happened I may not have had enough money to deal with all the appliance failure, so I guess perhaps the timing was spot on. Though I had rather spend the money on something fun like a holiday.

Thankfully there is a lot to see in The Netherlands and I am trying to visit at least one exhibition or city trip each week. I post these kind of pictures on Instagram.

New Moon in Sagittarius

Last Tuesday saw the New Moon in adventurous Sagittarius. At the New Moon at 16.05 I placed the Samhain’s sugar skulls outside so the rain can melt them into the ground ensuring a sweet new year ahead.

The New Moon is a time of month when it is supported to look ahead and set goals. The New Moon signifies the dying of the old and the fragile beginning of something new. This is a time the energy is more introspective and a small rebirth takes place within ourselves. This is a time to let go of old emotions, to rest and to make new plans.

Stretch and trust

Sagittarius gives us a boost of optimism so we feel brave enough to trust this new adventure and to stretch our limitations. This is a good time to expand our physical boundaries or our mind. Find a new challenge, for example a new field of study or perhaps join a class that speaks to you. Join even though it may feel a bit scary.

This New Moon I did a tarot reading for myself using the Ghosts and Spirits Tarot.

  1. Where can I now direct my arrows at?
  2. What truth about myself am I seeking?
  3. Where can I stretch my boundaries?
  4. What would be a good field of study for me at this time? Or where should I ‘look’ deeper into?
  5. How can I trust my inspiration?
  6. A final nugget of inspiration towards setting new goals please.
  1. The Bonus Card – out of all of the cards in this deck, I draw the bonus card for this first question. When I look at this card I feel confusion, a sense of being stuck. This card invites me to let the ghosts and spirits talk to me and help me dissolve the barriers between conscious constraint and objective inner reflection. This time of year I am especially drawn to connection with the other side and lately I have been re-membering my deceased relatives and friends. I feel this card asks me to listen to them more closely and connect more often, throughout the year. The question was where to direct my energy at this time and this card tells me to direct my energy more inward and reflect. No need to get anything done in the outside world right now. That is not where I will find what I seek.
  2. The Lovers – haha yes I have been thinking about l.o.v.e. and partnership lately. I have been single for almost 10 years and I feel it is time to open up to finding a partner. I have been asking myself how I want to forge a balanced partnership. How can I achieve that? Also finding the balance to surrendering to love without losing myself. I guess the truth I am seeking is whether I dare to open my heart and also do I dare to let myself be loved in return? All questions I am not going to answer by not finding a partner. I want to start dating again, I am just not so sure yet how and where. I am a bit tired and wary of online dating and I am not meeting Mr Right in real life (or at least I haven’t in the past 10 years)… This card reminds me to that I will learn more about myself in partnership and that I need to ‘get back on the horse’ so to speak.
  3. The High Priestess – I need to listen more to my intuition, again, find the big answers inside of me. Stop looking outside myself for answers. Access my inner wisdom and dare to delve deeper.
  4. The Fool – This card asks me to have a leap of faith and maintain a sense of adventure. Explore new paths and pick something outside my comfort zone. Whatever I do, I shouldn’t overthink it, but trust and go with my heart.
  5. Ten of Pentacles – I need to stop searching and doing and just sit back and enjoy what I have already achieved. Stop seeking new challenges and ventures, relish what I already have and what is important.
  6. Ace of Swords (RX) – I hear loud and clear; “Get out of your head!”. I need to stop analyzing everything so much. Again now is not a time to start something new. It is time to sit with my ideas and meditate on insights I have been having. This is not a time to bring anything out in the world. I need to find more clarity and seek answers in my inner wisdom, not so much in my mind.

I will be back soon. At the moment I am working on my own tarot deck and I have just finished making this year’s Christmas card. Also I have been doing quite a few tarot readings as this time of year is always popular for readings. I still have some spots available if you are interested.

Wishing you a great weekend and new week ahead.