At this moment I am trying to uncover where I want to go in this phase of my life.
I am trying to get a clear picture of my innate gifts and talents and somehow find some purpose and meaning in my life. As I am multi-passionate and am quite skilled in a lot of things, I have sort of lost track of what really makes me spark and that I would like to pursue in years to come. I feel a bit bored to be honest. Not that I don’t have plenty to do, but a lot of it is like going through the motions and doesn’t really make me run hot or cold. I need some passion and direction. A clear goal.
Call it a midlife crisis (isn’t 43 a bit young for that though?) or what will you. I crave some clarity and direction.
So I decided to ask good old tarot for advice.
I used a spread found at https://daily-tarot-girl.com/
Card 1. My relation to my gifts: Queen of Cups. She is a reminder to show me the power of my own inner aspects, whose power may be obscured by my quiet nature. So I need to look deep to connect to my gifts. This is why my gifts are to me so unclear because they are more inward focused instead of outward. My strength is inside me, in my subconscious mind. My relation to my gifts is quiet, receptive and emotional, but emotional in a detached way, like I am from the outside looking in (and this corresponds with my Sun in the 12th house by the way). Inner knowledge and self awareness and yes I am always seeking deeper and deeper, peeling of layers and seeing wat lurks in my shadows. I need to develop self-love and compassion before I can turn to help others, my path is more about self healing and following my intuition, listen to my heart. Not force things to be or think them into being. My gifts will reveal themselves, they will emerge …like magic! 😉
Card 2. Gifts I am aware of: The Star. The Star card follows The Tower, so she comes after the Dark Night of the Soul, after all crumbled down and she comes to bring new hope. And yes I am aware that my gift is to see the positive in situations, I persevere, I am often feel like a cheer leader, cheering others on as I see a bright future when others can’t. This card is about renewal, miracles and inner clarity (haha well a bit contradictory that I am seeking my purpose when my gift is inner clarity and yes perhaps I do already know I just have to open up to my gifts -did I mention I can be stubborn and strong willed ;-)). I have gone through that upheaval and turmoil and therefor I can help others pick up their lives and see that spark of hope again. The Star is about aspiring to be the best version of yourself and to be open to new ideas and growth and to follow my intuition. Yes I believe those are my gifts. My belief that magic is all around and I am open to unlearn and change my mind as well as to seek the truth and help others find theirs.
Card 3. What is blocking me?: 9 of Rods (Wands). Well this card is clear. This is a test of courage and persistence and about setting clear boundaries. I guess I do get lost in distraction and other people’s dramas. I am very good at keeping myself busy and not doing the things I know I should be doing. I sort of avoid my purpose perhaps, am afraid of my own poer. And it is also about persistence for sure. I am very good at starting things, but I have so many ideas, that a lot of projects stay in the idea- or start up phase and never get finished. When I promise others I always deliver, but promises to myself, not so much. I do have commitment issues. I don’t like to commit and close down my options. But I do believe commitment will bring me a lot of depth and reward. And yes courage, I do lack that in some ways. I like things to stay the same. This gives me a false idea of safety. So the courage to change does bring up a lot of fear in me. Not changing myself so much, but more my lifestyle, daily routines, etc. I have a hard time letting go of things that bring me false security. I need to take more risks and trust that change can be good. So yes very clear this card, thank you!
Card 4. Gifts I am unaware of: 7 of Cups. Too many choices, commitment issues. Haha what a “coincidence”, see above. Well I am very aware of this though, but yes I needed the reminder for sure. Commitment is key in this reading I feel. Commitment and listening to my strong intuition. This card is about gifts though so perhaps being multi passionate and talented is a gift, but it is a curse if I don’t choose wisely and spread myself too thin over all these options. This card is also about illusion though. So I guess if this card represents an unaware gift I feel this has something to do with discernment. And yes I do notice that I have a rather good bullshit radar. A lot of people I have never trusted are now turning out to be false. I could never quite put my finger on it and I doubted myself often because others seemed so spellbound by some people. But when someone is not true I can just feel it in my body. So not totally unaware of this gift, but perhaps I can put it to better use and also help me discern what to focus on and not just follow the next bright thing.
Card 5. What will help me share my gifts? The Tower. And here I yelped ‘oh no not The Tower!’ This card means destruction, upheaval, losing it all, starting all over. Do I need to start from scratch, lose it all? Or does this mean that that has already past and this past will help me share my gifts? So use my tough past experiences, share them in order to help others. Did these experience help me develop my gifts? It is often that we grow after the dark night of the Soul (so to speak). And now I am typing this, this makes sense, more sense than destroy all that is (but deep down I feel that would be the big change I may be craving and resisting at the same time). I always believed that all that I have been through had a meaning and wasn’t for nothing. It made me who I am today and for that I wouldn’t change a thing. I don’t want to blow my own horn, but I am quite happy with who I am. I am far from perfect, but I am generally kind, strong, compassionate and I care. And I am willing to grow, I show up everyday, open to expansion and to be of service.
Thank you.
