Farewell old year, hello new year. This is the time for deeper contemplation and setting intentions for new beginnings.
Here are some questions I am asking myself now and I am inviting you to do the same as this is very helpful to make you see your life and your direction more clearly and it helps you focus and consciously let go of whatever is no longer working for you.
Word of warning, don’t let a Libra pick and choose… haha 😉 Also I have a terrible memory, so am probably ‘forgetting’ many things…
- What was my favorite moment of 2018? – Oh my, nothing really jumps out, there are many beautiful memories of 2018 and I can’t say one really stands out. The memories that stand out are times spent with friends and family and times traveling. One of my favorite memories though was sitting on the grass near my house, digging my hands and feet in the soil and feeling so happy and free, overcome with joy. The air seemed to sparkle and buzz, all felt so right and I felt so connected and bliss. It felt like being at the right place at the right time, electrifying. So no not a big holiday at a bounty beach, but a moment right here in good old Amsterdam. Perhaps that is why this Winter I am not traveling. Usually I go on holiday every Winter to escape the cold and darkness. This year I am facing my demons and staying. Haha it is only December and I am already craving sunshine and light. But I will be my own light and source of warmth.
- Who has influenced my life most in the past year? – Haha another one that doesn’t really jump out, I can’t think of just one person. First of all I try not to be influenced by people, inspired yes, influenced no. So inspired. Hmm too many to mention, people like Lunadea, Beth Maiden, Vanessa Sage, Avalon Cameron, Carrie-Ann Moss, Sat Siri, who show up authentically, open and strong at the same time, and share their gifts and be successful doing it. But also my friends and every one I meet as I learn from everyone even fleeting encouters. But I would like to mention some of my friends such as Hetty who is such an inspirational woman, wise, so kind, open, loving and generous. And my super creative and big hearted friends Karina and Evalien, who I have known for a long time and seem to accept my weirdness and me being me. I love them for that and for their unique and beautiful expressions in life, authentic and beautiful spirits. My dear friend Miriam who I have known since the early nineties, a music buddy, and now much more. I don’t see her often enough, but when I do all feels so right and comfortable. I love her no bullshit, down to earth approach and sense of humor, she rocks and she is a rock! Also old soul, knight Roy, born in the wrong time, a romantic creative soul, homo universalis, whose sensitivity and creativity makes this world a more beautiful place (now only he has to see that). Goddess Terri from Florida, who I have corresponded with for a long time, she has such a big heart and is such a good friend, even though we never met in the flesh. And I am blessed to have many more wonderful acquaintances, mirrors in my life. Thank you all for being you and for being there and inspiring me the way that you do in your own unique way.
- What would I like to do over? – nothing really, I don’t do regret. I can however think of situations where I could have shown more patience and compassion to myself and others. But a do- over…not really. No big boo boo’s thankfully. Ofcourse there are the little things I would do different in hindsight, such as choosing not going out to the beach in Cuba in the evening and therefor not getting bitten all over (this burned and itched for months), in a do-over I would have chosen not to see my friend in Belgium in the weekend of snow and getting stuck for an entire day because there were no trains running (it was so so cold and wet- but hey I survived and probably made me stronger, but not an experience I would like to repeat), I would have visited my uncle in hospital sooner and not wait until it is too late. In a do-over I probably would have put my attention and energy to other people and projects than I have this year, but this was needed for me to grow and explore, no time was wasted, it never is.
- What am I grateful for – see this separate post (LINK)
- What am I most proud of? Showing up day after day, growing, progressing, evolving. Not letting myself down. Staying true to who I am.
- What needs more of my attention? My health and my focus (attention = focus but I need to put attention to having to focus if you know what I mean 😉 ). Don’t spread myself so thin over so many projects. Pick a few and focus and delve deep! I need to focus more on me and not on what I think others want of me. Breaking habits and patterns is all about making the choice and keep coming back to that choice. Keep realigning. And here is where we need focus and repetition. Attention.
- My favorite travel of 2018 and what is high on my to visit list? Probably Cuba because I never visited before and it was so intense. But I also loved the trips to London and Rome for totally different reasons. They just don’t compare.
On my to see list are: Devon and Cornwall, Scotland (yes staying closer to home), exploring more in The Netherlands (so much still to see), Colombia, Suriname, Costa Rica, Peru, Roadtrip U.S.A., Sweden, Poland, and another trip to Japan. Also Myanmar, Northern India, Cambodja and Laos. But this year I will probably stay closer to home, that is what it feels like now. Explore my roots and ground, connect. - What was my intention or intentions for 2018 and what did I make of these – My word for 2018 was Worthiness https://www.joyincreation.com/2017/12/30/my-word-for-2018-worthiness/
Last year I wrote that I want to feel passionate about life and feel more energized spiritually mentally, emotionally physically and socially and above all to feel WORTHY. I want to have fun, connect deeper to myself and live. Less have to’s and more experiencing from the flow of life. Less planning and doing, more living and feeling. I need to make space in order for the new to blossom and grow. Quiet my monkey mind and trust life will flow me in the right direction. My heart and higher Self will guide me. My ego needs to let itself be held lovingly. Well yes I made good steps in the theme of worthiness. I definitely don’t let others decide my worth and I am a much more relaxed and happy person now. I feel more connected and more safe with my self. I am strong and here I stand. I am worth time and attention. I am worth loving. I feel guided and held. Yes I AM Worthy. But the whole issues around not being seen has not been resolved, have not made much progress. As I wrote here last year: Projects I start die a quiet death, Tarot readings are not being requested that much (and when I do do readings, I get great feedback, so it is not my skill, I know I am good at doing readings), my art doesn’t sell well (again I think I am a good artist), blogposts I put a lot of time and effort in (such as this one, hardly receives a response) and well the list goes on. Also all these great plans I had and projects I started are now making me feel depleted and sad. So something needs to shift.
So in that sense my intentions failed. Feeling worthy however has nothing to do with projects or being seen by others so in that sense a success. - My intention for 2019 – the next blogpost will be about my word for 2019 and my intentions.
- Which project or energy no longer fits me and may I leave behind? Eating meat, drinking alcohol, poverty consciousness, people that don’t respect me or want to change me (fit me in their box), things I think are expected of me not because I want them, feeling less than. Project wise I will focus on tarot, witchcraft and art. I am being led to focus less on SoulCollage® but we will see how this evolves. For now not my focus. I do think the above statements of projects failing has nothing to do with my skill, but with me presenting myself (marketing) and my focus. My focus needs to be on service and my joy, in balance. And while I am typing this, perhaps a thriving business is not what I long for (a deeper believe of more stress, responsibility and things to do) but true connection and contemplation. Coming to a deeper understanding and learning about myself and that way inspiring and empowering other people. Not making sales hits, that doesn’t do anything for me. So yes a focus on my joy first and the rest will follow. So yes I am successful and thriving, it just doesn’t translate itself to numbers of readers, subscribers and clients, like it does for so many people. I need to stop comparing and listen to marketing gurus. I do this my way!
- What would it look like if I stopped….? Overthinking – life would probably be a lot more exciting and surprising.
- What will I stop saying – I will stop repeating the past or talk about the past in present tense. Only speak about how it is in the present. And speak about the past only in past tense. Less complaining and don’t let myself be led into gossip behavior when with other people. Be aware of gossip and stop it or walk away. Only speak lovingly or hold my silence.
- What do I really want to create, experience and achieve in the coming year? My health is super, I heal my bowels from the parasites and SIBO, my energy is up and level, I meet many wonderful and aligned people, I feel loved, I feel inspired, I make great progress in making my own tarot deck, I discover beautiful places in the world, I am a good friends, I give successful workshops and inspire other people, I have many satisfied clients I can be of true service to, I thrive in my day job and life is abundant.
- Who am I ‘jealous’ of and why? What do they have that I aspire to? I don’t think I have ever been envious of anyone. But I do aspire to people who are healthy, full of energy, warm, loving and who take chances and really live life. Real authentic people who walk their own path. Brave people who dare to stick out and stand up for what they believe in.
- What that happens in the world breaks my heart and how can I be part of the solution? What in the world doesn’t break my heart? There is so much going on today and the part that I am also part of the cause breaks my heart. The battle on kindness and compassion, the me me me culture, the fear, archetypal evil. The system for one. If we all together decided that we no longer comply, the system would fall apart. The frustration of people not seeing the greater truth and the shutting people out. We are actually censoring each other, because we are afraid of being triggered. How we are heading down a very grim AI ruled world and people comply because it is convenient and believe it is for their betterment. Things like 5G, censorship/stifling free speech, Fake News, fake events, programming, GMOs, vaccination, people being used as pawns and worse, a source of energy, deep state, banking, etc. etc. The lies oh all the lies. There is so much wrong with this world, been going down many rabbit holes in my life and it is darker than you can imagine if all of this is new to you. And you can get so lost in these rabbit holes, so I decided to be aware of them but not give it too much of my energy. I feel it is all a distraction anyways. For now important is that we don’t comply, and that only works in numbers. So yes that is frustrating. People continue to sleep and sometimes it feels like we will go down this dark time line. People are waiting for other’s to save them, we are waiting for others to make a move. Myself included. I can show up and do more. So many people now are no longer complying, going to the streets, protesting, opting for another life. People are fed up and it is about time. We are human, not robots and we are unique and so so worthy. We need to protect ourselves, before it is too late. So yes this is what breaks my heart – so many people not leading the lives they can live because of control. Because they are not free. Not free from others or themselves. We are being numbed down and losing the spark of life I feel is the most heart breaking. So I am doing my part by being as aware as I can be, try to not comply where possible (without getting myself in trouble and yes that is a fine line and frustrating), follow my moral compass, speak up when I feel it can make a difference and help people wake up even if it’s just a little, and focus on love and that spark of life. To feed that what makes me human. That way I can be part of the solution. Creativity is key, that is something AI lack and therefor our treasure to protect and unleash on this Earth. So yes Joy in Creation. Be that spark!
“Our society is run by insane people for insane objectives. I think we’re being run by maniacs for maniacal ends and I think I’m liable to be put away as insane for expressing that. That’s what’s insane about it.” – John Lennon
- What was the best decision I made this year? Speak out about my craft and ritual practice. It brought me so much inspiration, clarity, strength and focus. And also joy, it just feels good and natural. It makes me feel connected, something I lacked for such a long time. I just don’t know why I hid my craft slide for such a long time. I am a witch and I am done denying or hiding this. So yes this was a very deep conscious decision I made this year, to start talking and writing about this and no longer hiding my altar and practice in my bed room. Also connecting to other witches. I am still a solitary traditional witch, I am not a Wiccan, I will not join a coven, that is not my path, but I do feel it is important to exchange and connect with others. My hermit days are over. Time to be the High Priestess that I am (my Soul Tarot card).
Please journal about these questions, or use them on your blog, or respond in the comments below. Or perhaps you would like to discuss these questions with loved ones.
