Hi you!
First of all I want to express my gratitude to everyone who has given me advice, supported me and helped me in the past weeks. I posted about my health problems on Facebook and the response was heartwarming and overwhelming. As a lot of people are asking me how I am, I am writing this post. Thank you!
Secondly I would like to apologize for not posting a ChaChaChat video last weekend. After a week, or weeks, of fatigue, migraines and bowel problems, I went to stay at a friend’s house in the south of The Netherlands, a place that feels so comforting and peaceful. I always feel so calm and light when I am there, a different person. The heaviness of the city I live in is weighing on me and I just feel overwhelmed by stimuli. Also my friend is a true inspiration, such a warm and loving person and I am so very grateful to have her in my life.
Love and attention
Lately my body has been calling me to take note, a new layer has opened up to be healed. Something old needs my attention and love. Now my bowel movement has as good as stopped, until yesterday, I hadn’t been to the toilet for over two weeks and people thought I was pregnant, big bloated belly and frankly I was in pain and discomfort. It also makes me feel self conscious and tired, as all the crap inside me is causing brainfog, lethargy and well frustration. It will not flow…am quite literally stuck. And I tried everything, every tip and trick, but nothing worked, even the laxatives the doctor gave me did no good. So I just had to relax and wait, but that is a challenge with a full stomach of frustration.
Wake up to self care
But when I was at my friend’s house in Maastricht this weekend, she took me to see an alternative practitioner who could squeeze me in last Sunday. She works with Bioresonance, Global Diagnostics, healing and holistic pulsing. So she scanned my body and it turns out that the Ricketsia virus I contracted on my holiday in Bali causing me to have typhus was still in my body as well as Cytomegalie and Candida with many aflatoxines, causing my liver to only be active for 20%. Also my hormones are way out of balance. So no wonder I am so tired and off-track. Ever since I had the typhus my liver has been damaged and I have never fully recovered, I just never knew how ‘bad’ it was. So major wake up call for self care and healing! She also tested me for allergies, and this means no more rye, wheat and oats for me and I need more protein (bye bye oatmeal, bread, sugar and wine/alcohol and hello green smoothies, soups and protein shakes). But I can have cheese, so yay all is well (yes I am a Dutch cheese head!)!
A higher perspective
And as the practioner looked at the spiritual cause of all of this, she asked me what happened at age 4…and I had to think for a while and then it dawned on me that that was the year my brother was born. He was born very sickly and this was the first time I felt I needed to let go of my own needs, be strong and independent, be as little ‘in the way’ as possible (another thing that triggered my Anorexia years later, I wanted to take up as little space as possible, not leave a footprint, not be ‘in the way’ and ofcourse with this illness you are drawing more attention than ever and are a big burden on the family, so mission failed big time…) and ‘take care’ of my parents, be a grown up and also take care of myself. My inner child lost her way, her playfulness. And now thinking about this my mother has mentioned this before, that I changed at that age. So in order to heal myself now I have to heal that little girl. Take care of that child and make it feel safe, not abandoned and alone. Not so scared like my parents were. I have to be open to receive, to receive life and energy. Energy to heal. Energy to love. And starting with myself first.
So self care is my focus now and first heal my liver and most importantly my inner child, after that focus on hormones and Candida and such, one thing at a time and I have to be aware of not being too strict on myself and ‘punish’ myself. I now need love, love from myself, I need to hold myself. I am so grateful for this wake up call, this opportunity to grow and for all your support.
I guess things are moving, shifting, healing, but before I can truly transform I must spend some time on the ground and soon I will become a butterfly. Raise my awareness of myself another notch and keep putting one foot in front of the other. Climbing until I can fly!
See you soon!
