Ugh! 🙁 just wrote a blogpost (part of it twice because this happened twice!), took me over two hours, pressed a button and it is gone! And somehow when I press undo it doesn’t come back. Saved files in between, but gone. Very odd. Very Mercury Retrograde. It was quite a personal post and wrote it free flowing, so it is hard to rewrite in the same tone. I guess it was meant more for me personally to release it from myself and at this point not to be shared in public. So I will not see these hours as a waste of time but a powerful exercise in journaling and finding clarity through writing.

Anyway I am just checking-in to ask how you are doing after the eclipse and to share with you some of my insights.

For me the days leading up to the eclipse where like walking through deep mud, I felt heavy, pressed down, compressed, I found it very difficult to stay awake, just very sluggish, slow and heavy. On Monday I did a long long and intense meditation and a tarot pull for myself. See later in this post. It was beautiful. I had intense dreams that night. Very revealing and clear. The following days were very different, lighter and more vibrant. How is this for you? I wanted to write about some insights in this post, but I guess I can’t at this time, either I am unconsciously self-sabotaging this or I am getting some outside help. Dunno. We’ll see. Need to dig into this a little deeper.

Exposing fears and shadows

I hear many people, friends, social media, at work, speak about how they feel about exposing their fears and shadows. Those parts within them that have been kept a secret from everyone. That part we are ashamed and scared of. That part we wish would just shrivel up and disappear. I hear so many people speaking up and coming clean and revealing how much lighter and better they feel. How they wish they would have done this so much sooner. And that events in their life are ‘automatically’ pushing them in a direction where they have to come clean. Keeping our shadows and pains hidden is so much more scary than actually bringing them to light. So please feel inspired and supported to set your demons free. To let go of whatever you are hiding in your closet. Let the skeletons pop out, after all, it is almost Halloween. This is the time. Set yourself free. Rip off the band aid.

Eclipse Tarot insights

This is the tarot reading I did for myself on Monday, I would like to share it with you and my insights on the inspiration given. It was so perfect and so profound, I really wanted to share this, also to hold myself accountable to act upon my insights.

Card 1 represents what in my life is covered and blocked by shadows

Card 2 is what is being revealed during the eclipse that I can use to change

Card 3 is how I can best move forward with these new revelations

So card 1 is Temperance which shows me that things are not moving forward despite attempts and desires. There is a need for balance and find out what is missing. Perhaps I have to let go of something and make room for new opportunities.

Card 2 is Serenity, a re-evaluation of life plans made in solitude, meditation and introspection

Card 3 shows the Four of Wands in Reverse and it may feel as though energies have been wasted on a project or ideas have failed. There is a lack of harmony. I need to find a way to use my true talents and find an alternative approach. I need to take time to meditate on what I truly wish to achieve.

Dark secrets

The blogpost I wrote before, that disappeared was about my shadows. I have exposed them already and spoke to people about them, also in public and wrote about them on this website. I don’t think I have many dark secrets left, but I do struggle with one big issue and that is that I feel I have no direction in life. No clear vision where I want to be. This is something I teach my coaching clients and I feel a fake when I can’t even get clear myself. My whole life has been like this, I have had many different jobs, had lots of different educations and find myself hopping from one interest to the next. What is my fear to commit to one or a few things. Is it FOMO? No I don’t think so. I used to suffer from this when I was a teenager and it burn me out, but not anymore, I am fine on missing out on things. Is it fear of finding my true strength in one thing? To really go deep? Perhaps. I do feel there is not one truth and not one path and I always want to keep an open mind, and all options open. But it makes me feel scattered and unclear. Now the picture is slowly forming. The past years for me have been so much focused on other people (parents, clients), that I totally lost touch of what I want from life. And this has been slowly coming back to me, together with energy and clarity, the fog has lifted and I almost feel fully myself again. But a different self, a much lighter self, I feel good, I feel peaceful, I feel calm and I feel well happy. But there is a nagging feeling in the bottom of my stomach that wants movement, growth, expansion and well depth. And I feel it is time to play it bigger!

Focus and direction

For me it is a priority to find focus and direction in my life, working and private. I have an office job I enjoy and don’t want to leave. Perhaps work less hours, and let go of the fear of not making enough money with Joy in Creation to fill the money gap when I work less hours. With working less hours I can put more time in Joy in Creation. I need to muster up that faith that my services in Joy in Creation will also sustain me. And yes it is not very professional for a business owner and especially a coach to share about these vulnerabilities. We like to boast how successful we are as female entrepreneurs and throw around all the zeros we make and the word abundance in well abundance. Part of me would love to do that but my focus is on service. Now the two can go together so that is why I need more focus and more time to expand so abundance may follow naturally. So something needs to go and make room. Also I want more time for a social life. I work weekdays at the office and most evenings and weekends I work for my biz Joy in Creation. And this is because I love serving you this way and it gives me a lot of energy. But I also feel I need a life and to live. I want to start dating again and see my friends more often. I need balance. As a Libra I need to find balance and make clear decisions. I need a plan!

Multi-passionate

I tend to go of on tangents. Get side-tracked. I am multi-passionate and follow every thing that catches my fancy or that I find interesting. And I see so many ways where I can serve you that I am offering so many options. And I think almost everything is interesting and I am mighty curious. Always been. So again focus. I started the year with this intention and am doing much better, but noticed that I wasn’t very proud of my website as it doesn’t really show who I am and who I am here to serve. It is not clear what I offer. So this will need a re-think and I hope I find and connect to my tribe better and the people I am here to serve. I am so grateful for you and I want to thank you so much. Please share with me any ideas or input on how I can help you and what I can do. I listen. I realize that I offer too many services now, I really have to tap into what I feel serves you best at this moment in balance with what brings me most joy and energy. So I will let go of some services (for now and somehow all will are integrated within me anyway – knowledge and skills are never lost). All in good time. Also I need to decide if I continue in English or move to my native language Dutch. I would love your input on this. 

No more astrology and disclosure

So I decided to write no more blogs purely on astrology and disclosure/exposing the dark shit that happens on this planet. These topics will probably pop up every now and than, but are no longer a focus of mine. As there are already so many people doing this, I don’t need to add any of my views or insights (unless I feel I need to share). It is still one of my passions and I am intrigued by following white rabbits down deep holes, I am an inquisitive Alice by nature. But I will share my leads and insights perhaps on Social media and mostly keep them to myself, as in this world these insights also change all the time and I feel we need to connect our own dots.

Happy happy joy joy

And no this isn’t going to be a place where all is sunshine and roses. Roses have thorns and solar rays will be blocked by clouds. I am not running away from shadows. Not at all. And astrology (and numerology, and many other skills) I will use for myself when I work with people, but not on my blog or as a separate service. My big joy is serving YOU from a place of clarity, peace and joy! And this should be my focus and priority. So I need to let go of certain services and only focus on the ones that serve YOU best at this time and where I can add a real benefit for you. And that is healing any part of you that you don’t fully accept or understand. Empowering you to stand firmly and follow your heart. We have spent too much time playing it small. This is the big time!

Let’s Re-Treat

And to combine all my passions and let me play a bit, my big dream for 2018 is offering retreats where I combine all my skills and my love for pampering people and travel. A warm safe haven where we can really go deep and release some serious programming and beliefs about ourselves, but also to enJOY life together an re-affirm our love for ourselves and for life. Connect. Heal. Play and BE. My dream is to create a nourishing and profound experience for YOU. A place where you can be you and recover from day-to-day living. Take a step back and regroup. Please keep me to this promise.

I need to make a plan and stick to it.

So the plan for now:

  • Make this blog more personal and also shorter blogs with practical tips and tricks for you- but less time writing blogposts and more time spent on my other services
  • Make blogposts shorter (this is not a good start haha!)
  • Make more time for my personal life
  • Let go of the idea of setting up yoga videos and meditations – only offer this service to offices, hospitals and elderly homes in Amsterdam – and ofcourse during retreats and workshops
  • Let go of all healing practices accept for Soul Body Fusion® – which is not a healing practice – and only offer this via Skype/Face Time – which saves a lot of time and energy
  • Make more art! Really Charissa make MORE ART! Play, create! – Art to inspire me and you and to just enjoy beauty. Which we should not forget!
  • Make more videos – at least keep doing Tarot Time every weekend – as videos take less time than writing blogposts and are easier for most people to ‘digest’
  • Offer Soul Collage lessons (in real life and online) – start 2018
  • Offer retreats and workshops (in real life and online) – start 2018
  • Continue doing intuitive tarot readings as I feel this is something I do well and serves you well – I feel these tarot readings are of great service now and it brings me great joy providing these for you – perhaps extend with coaching packages in the future – but not for now
  • Offer essential oils and information on them for healing, because I love oils and need extra income to sustain my business (a win – win) – working now on setting this up
  • And my big wish is to set up a program to help people with intuitive eating and healing disordered eating patterns. This has been a big battle and victory in my life and I would like to help others relax around food and not see it as an enemy. To stop the everlasting fight against life. – bit more long term, but want to keep this on my radar and feel how I can best set this up.

I will decide on Dutch or English as my main language for Joy in Creation

English or Dutch

As I have many clients from English-speaking countries I didn’t want to write this website in Dutch. But I also have many Dutch people telling me they don’t understand English. It was wrong of me to assume that everyone in The Netherlands and Belgium speaks English or reads English. So perhaps I need to take a few days and at least translate all the service pages into Dutch? But I don’t think I want to translate every blogpost, apologies about that. Decisions, decisions. Still not quite clear I guess. Perhaps going totally Dutch? I don’t know. What do you think? I will need to say goodbye to a group of people, but perhaps greet a lot more here in my own neighborhood. We will see. I will do a reading on this question and meditate on this some more. As this has been keeping me questioning for a long time.

So what are your personal New Moon intentions? It is not too late to set your intentions right now. Focus on what you are grateful for and fill your heart with that wonderful feeling.
This is a time of big, bold actions, what is yours?

Believe in yourself.

Thank you for sharing this space for me and I hope to welcome you in this space often.
Thank you for your support.

Love, Charissa xxx