Work in Progress

Hello everyone,

Long time, no write, I know. Life (and Death) have been keeping me occupied. Life is challenging at the moment. I think I have gone through every emotion possible in the past weeks; mourning, sadness, joy, anger, frustration, despair, loneliness, love, gratitude, trust, faith, doubt, and on, and on. Things go up and do within seconds. Setback, blessing, setback, blessing… I decided to be very grateful for this process as I am clearing so much stuck energy. At the moment I feel very calm and empty, in a void, in neutral and it feels okay. Normally I would freak out as I am a doer and don’t get me wrong I am doing plenty (and I have rough hands, nails and bruised legs to prove it!), but I am not anxious and have a feeling deep inside that all is well. A deep sense of surrender, all is beyond control, control is an illusion. Perhaps I am just too exhausted to worry. I don’t know. And I don’t need to know. I am going with how I am feeling, minute by minute.

So what’s going on? An update. My mother, a year after being diagnosed with Lung Cancer suddenly died on January 21st. We let go of her physical body on the 27th. After this the real rollercoaster ride started. My mother lives in a rental house, so in order not having to pay more rent, we decided to end the rent at the end of February. So we called her bank, insurances, subscriptions, every organization we could think of that she was linked to, to cancel her payments. Now see in The Netherlands you have to leave behind a rental house completely empty. Now usually with a woman living by herself this is not a problem. But my mother and John who past away in 2011, lived in this house for over 22 years and they were both quite fond of stuff, to put it more bluntly, they were hoarders. They own SO MUCH STUFF! I have never seen anything like it. Many products were bought in multipacks, so many candles, cleaning supplies, plugs, towels, angels, hearts, etc. etc. Every inch of the house was used to store stuff. We could have started a shop. They were Tell Sell and Aldi bargain addicts, but also owned a lot of high quality stuff and lots of great books and dvd’s.

The first idea was to let specialized people deal with it and empty the house in a day for payment. I thought we’ ll get a team in and have them do it in a day, easy peasy. I expected to pay 1500 – 2000 euro for it. So we had some people come over to give us an estimate. And they were also quite shocked by the mess and they are professionals. None of them said they could do the job in one day and needed, two or three days with a full team. So the price would be around 3000 euro, plus 1200 euro to remove the tile in concrete floor. This is not something my brother and I, the heirs of our mother, have on our bank account. And this is not the only debt she left behind, I wonder which surprises will pop up this year. We have to pay one more month of rent, water, heating, electricity, also health insurance, taxes, and other bills keep coming. So we inherited quite a debt. But I am drifting. So after hearing this high estimate, we decided to it ourselves. With help of neighbors, family and friends.

And this is when all the blessings kicked in! So many people came to pick up stuff and offer to help in which way they can. I am so happy that Mom and John’s things now making other people happy. Books, cd’s, crockery, tools, closets, beds, the works, so much was collected by people and we also sold some things on eBay/Marktplaats, to help lessen the debt. We rented a container and together with neighbors, friends and family started emptying the house. So many bags, so much junk. So much help. I am so grateful for everyones effort and hard work. It is heartwarming how everyone is pulling together to get this tough job done. Neighbors, my aunt and uncle, my cousin has taken time of from work to remove the floor and my brother is now overseeing all the work while I am now at home after a week at my mother’s house, to catch my breath. To get well (the flu that started on the day of my mother’s death is still lingering, all the dust from the house hasn’t helped my lungs), and go to the office tomorrow to see what needs to be done and to delegate further tasks for this month. Because I foresee that we will be occupied with this until the day the key is handed over. After this all the financial hassle will begin. I have already started with her bank information (have to go to the bank tomorrow to arrange things), insurances and taxes. I will need to do her taxes the coming year and also our inheritance taxes. But that is for later, when my head is clearer. At the moment I am so in the moment and their are so many cotton balls in my head, that I don’t trust myself to do anything too challenging. I just want to take it one day at a time. But later …first we need to leave this house behind…empty.

I am so happy that my brother and I are on speaking terms again. Our relationship has been jinxed by many misunderstandings and failures to communicate in the past. We are just very different people. This situation is forcing us to work together and I hope we can keep in touch after this is over. I so hope this for us and for my mother, this is what will make her really happy. She always was so upset about our falling out. I really like his new girlfriend and I wish them happiness and peace in their lives. I am very proud of all the hard work he is doing and am grateful for this opportunity to start anew.

So after time of setback after setback, things are looking up, the clearing of the house is moving quicker than expected and I hope we can get the job done with just one more container to safe costs (one 10 m3 container is 326 euro). We will see. Stuff still keeps popping up everywhere. I hope people keep helping and working together until the job is done and I hope that on the end of the month, we can all raise our glass and celebrate my mother’s life instead of cursing all her stuff.

At the moment life is too hektic to keep up this blog, my readings and healings. So I am closing shop until I feel I have regained my energy and am ready to focus and intent on Joy in Creation.

Like this situation, we are all a work in progress. Take note of that in your life and work with it not against it. Feel what comes up and let it move through you and release, release all you no longer need in your life. Feel, understand and clear your core wounds. Transform your core wounds and live, in freedom. There is no need to hang on to stuff to make you safe. Let it go. Let go what you don’t need and what makes you feel trapped and heavy.

So for now a time out and I will be back somewhere in March. I am planning to do lots of yoga and meditation today and a Valentines Reading for this site. But after that it will be quiet here for a while. But we will see… one day at a time.

I wish you all a beautiful and love filled Valentines and a blessed time.

Love and gratitude, Charissa xxx