Who am I?

Who am I and who do I want to be?

Hello there! Hope you are well.

Like millions of people around the world I am mourning the loss of a true star, David Bowie. His music has been a constant in my life, although I wasn’t a huge fan like some people I know, I did listen to his music often, followed his career, and managed to see him in concert a couple of times. I always admired him for being so brave and colourful. Only a few weeks ago I visited the exposition on Bowie at Groninger Museum. When I was there I already had the strange sensation something was “wrong” and I wondered if he was ill, but after checking I could find no confirmation of this “knowledge”. Anyway, it is so sad that this Earth has lost such a talent and that he leaves behind a loving family and many heartbroken fans. My heart goes out to them.

Creativity

I admire Bowie for his creativity and for his guts to be himself, to be different, to stand out, for all his changes and developments as he reinvented himself again and again. He was never boring and he kept searching, growing and inspiring people. Bowie is not a single character, but rather a host of Bowie–personæ: A wealth of possibilities that exists behind costumes, symbols and concepts. He had great knowledge of the occult and was definitely a starseed, which I found intriguing. Whether he was working with the Illuminati, I cannot say, I think all “celebrities” are under their influence to some degree. There are so many references in his work and there is so much written about this already, that I am not going into this subject. No matter what, Bowie was a true talent and will be missed.

Legacy

Bowie’s passing got me thinking about a death and what we leave behind when we die and also about us having the power to create ourselves and that we are given the opportunity in every moment to reinvent ourselves and morph into a new us. It got me thinking of who I want to be and what I want to leave behind when I leave this planet. This post has been on my mind for a while. I see writing this blog as a sort of excorcism. Getting my thoughts and feelings out there. Speaking my truth. For that is my intention for 2016. Being the real me, speaking my truth and walking my talk. And my truth is WOOWOO. Be warned.

Void

What I am going through right now is a feeling of void, being in a vacuum, waiting for something new to arise, to be born within me. I find myself doubting my beliefs, and everything I ever put my trust and faith in. All I am sure of right now is that I believe in myself and the feeling in my heart. But I am also confused and impatient as I am not quite sure yet where this is taking me, I feel no ground beneath my feet. I am already so far down the rabbithole that really nothing surprises me anymore. All I know is that I am in for the ride and that I want to help release humanity from the trap we have brought ourselves into. I don’t know how, I don’t know when. For now this is just where I am at.

Finding my voice

What has been bugging me for a while is that I am not fully myself when I write, my voice changes, another part of me (or is it not me?) is taking over and my tone of writing changes. My words become a bit airy fairy and I feel that this way I am not attracting the right people, not my tribe. This is bothering me as I feel inauthentic, but it is not really fake, it is also a part of me, but perhaps I am censoring part of me. The part that is not so sweet and loving all the time, my darker side so to speak, my very human side. I feel like I am not fully opening up and being as vulnerable as I could/should be. Like I am trying to sound more clued up then I really am, but I am just passing on what comes through and am just working with what I get in the now moment. I am as much at a loss as most people are about the future. I am just very aware of the fact that I am. And I am trying to find peace in that. I do know that messages come through and I let only pass what feels good and right in that now moment. Only helpful and empowering messages. I am very aware of being guarded and to use discernment at all times.

Bullied and heartbroken

Part of me is holding out due to good old fear. I am afraid of being ridicueled, outcast, laughed at. You see I have had a childhood and teenage years of being severly bullied. Part of me still is very afraid of being rejected. And I know that what I talk and write about is out there and a lot of people consider me ready for the looney bin! Also I am a people pleaser. Not as much as I used to be, but she is still there and so is that little girl bruised and heartbroken. I am now being coached to be more assertive and I am following a training to become an assertiveness coach. Teach what you have learned and walk your talk. This is helping me lots and I am ever so grateful for how far I have come and how well I have developed into ME.

Fresh breeze

So to start of this year with a fresh new breeze, I am going to be more myself in this space. Heck this is my website and I do as I please! So I will probably be less airy fairy (even though a part of me is very airy fairy, I mean I talk to Angels and Fairies and I hug trees!!). You know life isn’t all love and light. Ofcourse I do aspire and have a vision of an Earth basked in light and joy. But I do see we have a long way to go and that we can’t just sit on our knees praying for this to happen. We have to get dirty in the mud. We have to go through a lot of chaos to get there. And that asks us to be strong and true and not just intending and waiting for our big saviour. That sort of messaging really pisses me off as it puts people in a slumber and has them willingly give their power away. Trusting a deity to save you is the same in my eyes as turning to the government for help! Wake up people! WE are our own saviors. WE need to step up!

Confusion & doubts

And this is where my confusion and guilty feelings come in as I am not sure where I fit in this picture yet. Also I am having some doubts and trust issues at the moment. I have written before about Angels really being ETs (I really don’t like the word ET, let’s say starpeople for a lack of better words). All semantics. Angels, ETs… lightbeings coming from other places. This belief I have gives me a lot of trouble from the so called Angel People. A community I belong to, but also feel not very at ease with anymore. Again too airy fairy most of the time, all love and light, all stop-cancel-delete bad words (you know what life sucks sometimes and there is no deleting that by saying a canceling words or positive affirmations!), no caffeine, no alcohol, blah blah. All the rules! I am not very good with rules, makes me very rebelious. All of this is great though and I am all for healthy living and this will probably work fine for a lot of people and perhaps because I still drink the occasional glass of wine and coffee, my channel isn’t pure, who knows, but I do not believe this is the case. I do believe in listening to what your body needs and no two bodies are the same. I tried going vegan, getting of coffee, no alcohol, etc. etc. but I felt lousy. You know what! We are also here to enjoy life and this Earthly vessel and ofcourse you can enjoy life without those so called “unhealthy” things, but I get joy from the occassional glass of wine with a good organic steak. So I am having it! But I am drifting off topic again…

Negative forces

So Angels. To me not all Angels are the same, and some energies that come through are posing to be Angels, but really are not. And not all Starpeople are nice and here to save us. We cannot ignore the fact that there are unseen negative influences. Degenerate ETs, discarnate spirits, what some call demons etc. These are very real. And also some HUmans that I thought really highly of are now showing their true self (to me) and I am shocked and dissapointed that I could be so blind to the Thruth for so long. I will not mention names as it is not my place to share, and I may be wrong, but it is true for me, I can see clearly now. Sadly enough they have thousands of followers due to the deadly charisma that comes with working with the dark side. Those who have been comprimised will give you the feel good message, we have everything under control, you dont have to do anything just follow me. They also have massive egos blatantly obvious to those who are awake. That is all I have to say about this topic. Use discernment and go to your own personal connection with source first, do clearings and then feel if messages are right for you.

Trust

Everyone should use their own discernment and all in good time. So yes I am confused (and never been more certain at the same time) and having some trust issues to deal with. I do know that from now on I will trust my heart and no longer be guided by fancy talking channels who convey messages that distract people from making their own personal connection to Source. This fully trusting myself is hard and a process. But my guidance is strong and I believe I am working from love and light and with good intentions. There are tools for discernment. This is all I can do. I am definitely not here to deceive anyone and I am sure my role here on Earth has something to do with bringing the truth to light and help waking people up to our true history and the plan for Earth and their role in it.

I would love to help empower you to step into that role. That makes me wake up in the morning, that feeling of being of service for the good of this planet. That is what keeps me going. I still believe in us. Us HUmans. We can do it! We can rise and stand up, all together as one. Are you with me?

In love & truth. Yours, Charissa xxx